Hi guys!
Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I was insanely busy with AP exams and graduation, and by the time I was done, I was so out of habit that I kind of forgot about this blog >_< SORRY!
So I am now doing some last minute studying before I retake my theory placement exam on Saturday, and as such, I have decided to make a non-chord tone guide.
This will not be your usual chord tone guide.
So you're at home, and you decide to go hang out with your friend. You're on the way to their house when you pass by passing tone. You say hi really quick, but ultimately keep on walking because she's just a person in-between you and your destination.
The next day, you're at home again, and you notice a new neighbor, neighbor tone! You decide to head over to say hello and introduce yourself, but when you enter the house, you notice that he practically has a menagerie in their house. Being deathly allergic to anything with fur, you quickly return back to your own home for safety.
Later that day, you go to a party. At the party are two of your friends, suspension and retardation. They both have this odd habit of speaking for a bit too long, and then either ending in a depressing or exciting tone of voice, respectively (and regardless of the topic of conversation. It's a bit annoying really).
As you are speaking with suspension and retardation (in a room on the third floor), the party animal of your group show up to your party. Appoggiatura used a rope to climb up through the second floor window, only to head to the next floor down.
Appoggiatura is at least better than your friend escape tone, who decided he hated the party, and came upstairs to use appoggiatura's rope to escape the building.
You go downstairs to get some food from the kitchen, where it turns out anticipation is. She interrupts everyone in conversation. If you say hello, she'll interrupt you in the middle of the word. She's talking with pedal point. He's a stubborn one, he never changes topics if one has already been started. The group could be talking about cheese, then transition to crackers, but if he's really into cheese, he won't stop talking about it until the topic returns to cheese.
Later you head home and consider your friends. They're all pretty weird and annoying to talk to. Maybe it's time to get some new friends... After all, you have a group of neighbors who would welcome you over any time, and then let you return home in peace.
I hope you enjoyed my little story. Neighbor group was a bit hard to fit in, but I feel I did the other non-chord tones justice.
My other idea about anticipation is he's the nerdy little guy who shows up early to every party because he's just so excited, but it didn't fit in well with the 2nd person limited narrative.
Have a wonderful evening guys!
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek
Monday, June 18, 2012
Sunday, April 15, 2012
FREEEEEEEEDOMMMMM
Hello Internet!
I'm finding it more and more difficult to focus on classes I don't need to graduate* (le Francais) and that I'm not taking the AP exam for (Economics). It doesn't help that the majority of my homework is between these two classes (and AP lit, in which I am experiencing the precise opposite to apathy, ie: rage), and I can see no real reason to do any of it.
With that all in mind, it's time to do countdowns to FREEEEEEEEDOMMMMM!
**We shall ignore how bad I am at dictation for a moment to let me be proud of my written theory skillz
Perhaps I shall post another blog post soon about music theory, because it seems I can certainly go on about it.
PS: I totally posted this on the wrong blog and had to go and fix that. Ooopsidaisy.
I'm finding it more and more difficult to focus on classes I don't need to graduate* (le Francais) and that I'm not taking the AP exam for (Economics). It doesn't help that the majority of my homework is between these two classes (and AP lit, in which I am experiencing the precise opposite to apathy, ie: rage), and I can see no real reason to do any of it.
With that all in mind, it's time to do countdowns to FREEEEEEEEDOMMMMM!
- 23 attendance days of school (technically 22, as I should not have to go to the last day of senior finals)
- 23 actual days until Calc BC exam (my first exam)
- 24 actual days until AP lit exam
- 28 actual days until AP Music Theory exam
- 29 actual days until AP French exam (my last, and only afternoon exam)
- 8 days until my last high school jazz band concert
- 19 days until prom
- 23 days until my last high school music performance EVER *tear*
- 34 days until commencement =D
- 67 days until orientation, which, from the description given to me over the phone by one of the staff at the school, seems to involve traipsing around the city with the entire freshman class (yay small school!), and then everyone sleeping in the dorms overnight (which seems like it might be code for "freshman class sleepover", but I have no clue, so don't hold me to it). I'm uber-excited.
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek
**We shall ignore how bad I am at dictation for a moment to let me be proud of my written theory skillz
Perhaps I shall post another blog post soon about music theory, because it seems I can certainly go on about it.
PS: I totally posted this on the wrong blog and had to go and fix that. Ooopsidaisy.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
HEY!
HEY!
It's been a while hasn't it? Well don't worry, because I have a POST for you. Filled with MANY randomly capitalized WORDS!
So since I've been gone (Kelly Clarkson anyone? Yeah? Yeah??? No? Okay then =/ ) I have aged! That's right, I can now go see R rated movies without adult accompaniment! Which, is like the only thing different about 17.
Did you know that liking doorknobs is ILLEGAL on other planets? Well now you do ^_^
So I'm graduating in less than two months! I know, right?? Like, I've seriously almost finished four years of high school? What IS this NONSENSE?
I swear, I spazz out about that every few days or so. Cuz, like it's really not that far away! High school always seemed like this impossibly long thing to do, but really, it's not that long anymore.
Yeah, so I will hopefully get back into the habit of blogging soon. Time shall see!
Oh, and before I go, I just remembered, my next major purchase is going to be a UNICYCLE! Yup yup yup...
See ya soon =)
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek
It's been a while hasn't it? Well don't worry, because I have a POST for you. Filled with MANY randomly capitalized WORDS!
So since I've been gone (Kelly Clarkson anyone? Yeah? Yeah??? No? Okay then =/ ) I have aged! That's right, I can now go see R rated movies without adult accompaniment! Which, is like the only thing different about 17.
Did you know that liking doorknobs is ILLEGAL on other planets? Well now you do ^_^
So I'm graduating in less than two months! I know, right?? Like, I've seriously almost finished four years of high school? What IS this NONSENSE?
I swear, I spazz out about that every few days or so. Cuz, like it's really not that far away! High school always seemed like this impossibly long thing to do, but really, it's not that long anymore.
Yeah, so I will hopefully get back into the habit of blogging soon. Time shall see!
Oh, and before I go, I just remembered, my next major purchase is going to be a UNICYCLE! Yup yup yup...
See ya soon =)
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek
Saturday, January 28, 2012
AP Exam Panic
By this point, it is a twice a week event for me to just stare at this webpage, and have fear instilled into my bones.
You know how college finals are supposed to be simply horrific, and no one wears anything but pj's or takes showers or anything for the whole week as they stay up cramming like mad men?
I think that when you have the equivalent college load in AP courses it is a lot scarier.
Here is my schedule for my AP finals:
Monday: School, followed by afternoon cramming.
Tuesday: School, followed by afternoon cramming.
Wednesday: Calc BC exam in the morning. Afternoon will likely be spent at other high school in my district (it's the one that has an actual stage) where we will do "dress rehearsal" for our concert later that evening, which will likely end around 9:30, with every single senior girl having had bawled her eyes out.
Thursday: AP Lit exam in the morning. Afternoon spent sleeping off the past two days. Night spent high on caffeine, studying.
Friday: School, but I'll likely be ditching every class to go hang out in the band room and study. (Assuming permissions from teachers, because ditching class can lead to not walking at graduation. However, I'm pretty sure they will take pity on me and let me free.) Perhaps I will spend the afternoon relaxing and napping, before studying, and then getting a full night's sleep.
Saturday: Study. Maybe eat a real meal not consisting of potato chips or fast food or caffeine.
Sunday: Study. Maybe have time to take a shower.
Monday: Music theory exam in the morning. Beginning of the end of ability to focus. Afternoon spent playing video games. Maybe some deep French thinking to prepare for...
Tuesday: Sleep in, then go to breakfast with some friends from AP French. Take AP French exam in the afternoon (why is this my only afternoon exam? Not fair!). Probably take a walk around after the exam as I realize summer is so tantalizingly close. Attend Senior academic award ceremony soon after.
Wednesday: Technically senior exam finals, but as mine are all AP exams, I won't need to show up. I'll probably do some of my last bit of studying in the morning, followed by meeting up with some senior friends once they are done with their finals. I'll probably stay up too late hanging out with people who don't have to get up in the morning.
Thursday: Macroeconomics in the morning. An hour or so for lunch. Microeconomics in the afternoon. Find myself devoid of ability to think anymore, and wondering what my purpose in life is now.
Friday: Senior breakfast banquet, and graduation practice until noon. Lunch with friends.
Saturday: ???
Sunday: Graduate.
Now, I notice that you all are wondering why the hell I look at this schedule twice a week and have to think about it. Particularly considering that it is JANUARY? Well let me tell you something mister or missy. It is the END of January. My flash cards are almost nonexistent. There are only four months before I take six exams that in the past I have only spent a month cramming for because there were only one or two. But this is six.
I'm panicking because it feels like May is tomorrow and not a few months away. I feel like someone could wake me up tomorrow and be like "get on your dress, it's the big day!" And I will simply be done.
I dunno. I just have to think about it, because it's all that my life is centered around right now. My life is really just 7 classes with lunch somewhere in there, followed by afternoons of homework and band stuff.
Compared to all that, getting into college was easy. So that must mean that the actual graduating from high school thing will be horrible. I'm fixating because I'm terrified. What if I fail all those things, what if I come out knowing nothing? What if they don't let me walk because I had the audacity to skip classes on that last Friday?
As much as I would love to be at college right now, I'm not ready to graduate.
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek
You know how college finals are supposed to be simply horrific, and no one wears anything but pj's or takes showers or anything for the whole week as they stay up cramming like mad men?
I think that when you have the equivalent college load in AP courses it is a lot scarier.
Here is my schedule for my AP finals:
Monday: School, followed by afternoon cramming.
Tuesday: School, followed by afternoon cramming.
Wednesday: Calc BC exam in the morning. Afternoon will likely be spent at other high school in my district (it's the one that has an actual stage) where we will do "dress rehearsal" for our concert later that evening, which will likely end around 9:30, with every single senior girl having had bawled her eyes out.
Thursday: AP Lit exam in the morning. Afternoon spent sleeping off the past two days. Night spent high on caffeine, studying.
Friday: School, but I'll likely be ditching every class to go hang out in the band room and study. (Assuming permissions from teachers, because ditching class can lead to not walking at graduation. However, I'm pretty sure they will take pity on me and let me free.) Perhaps I will spend the afternoon relaxing and napping, before studying, and then getting a full night's sleep.
Saturday: Study. Maybe eat a real meal not consisting of potato chips or fast food or caffeine.
Sunday: Study. Maybe have time to take a shower.
Monday: Music theory exam in the morning. Beginning of the end of ability to focus. Afternoon spent playing video games. Maybe some deep French thinking to prepare for...
Tuesday: Sleep in, then go to breakfast with some friends from AP French. Take AP French exam in the afternoon (why is this my only afternoon exam? Not fair!). Probably take a walk around after the exam as I realize summer is so tantalizingly close. Attend Senior academic award ceremony soon after.
Wednesday: Technically senior exam finals, but as mine are all AP exams, I won't need to show up. I'll probably do some of my last bit of studying in the morning, followed by meeting up with some senior friends once they are done with their finals. I'll probably stay up too late hanging out with people who don't have to get up in the morning.
Thursday: Macroeconomics in the morning. An hour or so for lunch. Microeconomics in the afternoon. Find myself devoid of ability to think anymore, and wondering what my purpose in life is now.
Friday: Senior breakfast banquet, and graduation practice until noon. Lunch with friends.
Saturday: ???
Sunday: Graduate.
Now, I notice that you all are wondering why the hell I look at this schedule twice a week and have to think about it. Particularly considering that it is JANUARY? Well let me tell you something mister or missy. It is the END of January. My flash cards are almost nonexistent. There are only four months before I take six exams that in the past I have only spent a month cramming for because there were only one or two. But this is six.
I'm panicking because it feels like May is tomorrow and not a few months away. I feel like someone could wake me up tomorrow and be like "get on your dress, it's the big day!" And I will simply be done.
I dunno. I just have to think about it, because it's all that my life is centered around right now. My life is really just 7 classes with lunch somewhere in there, followed by afternoons of homework and band stuff.
Compared to all that, getting into college was easy. So that must mean that the actual graduating from high school thing will be horrible. I'm fixating because I'm terrified. What if I fail all those things, what if I come out knowing nothing? What if they don't let me walk because I had the audacity to skip classes on that last Friday?
As much as I would love to be at college right now, I'm not ready to graduate.
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Memorization (and Procrastination?)
My Lit teacher strongly believes that route memorization has a place in education, and has outright told us so. "If I go to the doctor, I want him to have these diseases memorized or my body parts memorized," she's said, or at least I've paraphrased. My Lit teacher always seems to say things that ruffle my feathers, regardless of my agreement because her tone of voice tends to imply an absolute correctness of opinion, as if the idea were such a possibility!
So I attend her class, and memorize my vocabulary and Greek mythology and poetry terms, because I am a good little AP student working towards my goal of... well, something.
Most of my AP classes, I know, will not give me any credit once I am at college. You don't need calculus or economics or European history to become a music teacher. I mean, sure, they are applicable (well, maybe economics is a stretch as far as applicability goes) in some form or another, but I can certainly get by without them.
I suppose, when I was young, my goal was to take as many AP classes as possible, because I knew that was what smart kids did. Later on, it must have been something about appealing to colleges. My junior year, when I signed up for my senior AP schedule of hell, it was all about college credit.
So I talked myself into these classes, and now find myself awash in memorized facts and information that's usefulness is debatable. It all goes away eventually.
My basic memory of US history (my first ever AP class) is the differences between the AoC and the Constitution, what events lead to the Revolution, the time frame surrounding the Civil War and bits and pieces of the war, WWI through WWII, and Reagan. I suppose that's more than the average person certainly knows, but I know there are 44 presidents, so somewhere along the line, I've most definitely missed something.
AP Euro is even foggier, as it was my first experience with history outside of the US (skipping a grade and moving around made this a possibility) and I detested my teacher something fierce (I suppose you need one mortal enemy in the form of a teacher per year, otherwise there's nothing you can fairly complain about). I do remember a French Revolution, and a couple world wars, and some stuff about religion... Oh, and there was definitely quite a bit going on with Prussia, Russia, and Austria (who had known there was such a country named Prussia before this?), but I have no idea what.
Lit seems to be my favorite class to pick on this year, and let me tell you, I can remember nada that I have memorized (and memorized have I ever...).
Which begs the question, if only months after memorizing something for a class, you have forgotten it all, do you really want your doctor to simply be a memorizer?
The classes I have retained the most from have been the classes where I have grown to understand something, rather than having had shoved it in my brain.
Mathematics without memorized formulas (formulas are fine though) is beautiful in how it describes the world. I melted into English last year, as my teacher taught us how to argue like the best of politicians. Biology was fun and zany when my understanding came from experiments and practice, rather than memorization of organelles. Music is my heart and soul in its lack of route memorization.
My point here is simple: the memorization needs to stop. We are taking away the beauty, wonder, and excitement from the world by presenting the world as a list and telling kids "get this down by tomorrow."
(Alright, and personally, I would love a lighter load on the homework right now. AP classes=my insanity. But, you know, the kids!)
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek
PS: Some of this thinking on learning has been caused by a mass binge on Vi Hart, Kahn Academy, Vlogbrothers, XKCD, and the wikipedia-ing that they have brought. If you have the time, I suggest a massive, nerdy binge.
PPS: Yes, I was procrastinating on my English as I wrote this. We've been in "poetry boot camp for the past two weeks, which has equated to two hours of homework a night, and I just can't do it anymore. Which is of course, how this weekend it got procrastinated until the night (technically now morning) before it was due.
PPPS: YAY FOR CAFFEINE! WHEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!
So I attend her class, and memorize my vocabulary and Greek mythology and poetry terms, because I am a good little AP student working towards my goal of... well, something.
Most of my AP classes, I know, will not give me any credit once I am at college. You don't need calculus or economics or European history to become a music teacher. I mean, sure, they are applicable (well, maybe economics is a stretch as far as applicability goes) in some form or another, but I can certainly get by without them.
I suppose, when I was young, my goal was to take as many AP classes as possible, because I knew that was what smart kids did. Later on, it must have been something about appealing to colleges. My junior year, when I signed up for my senior AP schedule of hell, it was all about college credit.
So I talked myself into these classes, and now find myself awash in memorized facts and information that's usefulness is debatable. It all goes away eventually.
My basic memory of US history (my first ever AP class) is the differences between the AoC and the Constitution, what events lead to the Revolution, the time frame surrounding the Civil War and bits and pieces of the war, WWI through WWII, and Reagan. I suppose that's more than the average person certainly knows, but I know there are 44 presidents, so somewhere along the line, I've most definitely missed something.
AP Euro is even foggier, as it was my first experience with history outside of the US (skipping a grade and moving around made this a possibility) and I detested my teacher something fierce (I suppose you need one mortal enemy in the form of a teacher per year, otherwise there's nothing you can fairly complain about). I do remember a French Revolution, and a couple world wars, and some stuff about religion... Oh, and there was definitely quite a bit going on with Prussia, Russia, and Austria (who had known there was such a country named Prussia before this?), but I have no idea what.
Lit seems to be my favorite class to pick on this year, and let me tell you, I can remember nada that I have memorized (and memorized have I ever...).
Which begs the question, if only months after memorizing something for a class, you have forgotten it all, do you really want your doctor to simply be a memorizer?
The classes I have retained the most from have been the classes where I have grown to understand something, rather than having had shoved it in my brain.
Mathematics without memorized formulas (formulas are fine though) is beautiful in how it describes the world. I melted into English last year, as my teacher taught us how to argue like the best of politicians. Biology was fun and zany when my understanding came from experiments and practice, rather than memorization of organelles. Music is my heart and soul in its lack of route memorization.
My point here is simple: the memorization needs to stop. We are taking away the beauty, wonder, and excitement from the world by presenting the world as a list and telling kids "get this down by tomorrow."
(Alright, and personally, I would love a lighter load on the homework right now. AP classes=my insanity. But, you know, the kids!)
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek
PS: Some of this thinking on learning has been caused by a mass binge on Vi Hart, Kahn Academy, Vlogbrothers, XKCD, and the wikipedia-ing that they have brought. If you have the time, I suggest a massive, nerdy binge.
PPS: Yes, I was procrastinating on my English as I wrote this. We've been in "poetry boot camp for the past two weeks, which has equated to two hours of homework a night, and I just can't do it anymore. Which is of course, how this weekend it got procrastinated until the night (technically now morning) before it was due.
PPPS: YAY FOR CAFFEINE! WHEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Dreamline?
So Alex Day (aka: nerimon, aka: the one everyone thinks is shacking up with Charlie McDonnel* [aka: charlieissocoollike]) does this thing every three months called a dream line. Basically he sets... not necessarily goals, though some things are goals, but more just things he wants to have happen. It's a way of just sort of analyzing your life and setting yourself up to be where you want to be.
Anyways, like any great idea, someone has to steal it (and honestly, I doubt Alex came up with it on his own anyways), so I will be doing that now please and thank you.
I now present my dreamline:
Do well on my audition for Butler and get a music scholarship.
~This should hopefully be rather obvious. I'm applying there, my audition is in February, and I'd rather like to do well at it. Butler has actually already offered me a scholarship based on my academics that has made the cost, thus far, equal to that of the other school I auditioned for** (though I have not gotten anything about admission yet because it's been winter break and whatnot, so that's on the up and up). And the whole factor of an extra year of school's cost was definitely a big one. So a music scholarship on top of that... well who knows?
Dye my hair an unnatural color.
~This I have actually been planning on doing for ages as my reward for getting through auditions and thus no longer needing to look like teacher material. I'm not planning on dying all of it. Right now I think I'll probably just do the front of my hair or streaks if I don't end up getting bangs before I dye my hair. Still not sure about the color. Just not pink, because I've already done that, and not green, because that would be ugly.
Make flash cards for AP exams.
~I tell myself I'm going to do this every damn year, and I never do unless I'm doing it by the time that it's far too late. And considering that I'm taking six AP exams this year compared to the one I took sophomore year, and the two I took last year, I think flashcards are probably a lot more necessary.
Get a I at solo and ensemble competition.
~Because I take private lessons, I have to do a solo. Because this is my last year and all, I figure I should do it justice and get the highest rating possible, don't you?
Not stress out like crazy.
~Sure, the straight A's I've attained this semester are just insanely awesome, but I'm doing a lot more this semester and I'd really like to stop going to see the stupid psychologist*** and the only way for that to happen is if I don't stress out and attain another mental break down. So this semester, I don't need to get straight A's (if they happen, great. If they don't, it's not the end of the world) while I'm doing jazz band, winter guard, pit band, pep band and math team.
There are a zillion other things I'm thinking of adding to this list now. For example: I've gained two pant sizes in four months because of stress eating - that might be nice to fix. However, I think my main focus right now should just be getting into college and setting myself up to do it well, while not having another complete meltdown.
So yeah, that's my dreamline.
Oh shit >_< I've just remembered one more thing I was going to add:
Turn 17 and be awesome at it.
~No explanation needed =)
Wishing you well with your own next three months
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek
*I doubt anyone actually thinks this, I just know they are shipped together because they live together and have this perfectly awesome bromance, which is fine, they're both straight, nothing wrong with that.****
**Butler's degree takes five year, the other school's degree takes four years. So I'd still need to take into account foregone income and stuff like that, but there's a really good chance I could make Butler insanely cheap comparatively. (You can tell that I'm worried about paying for college, can't you?).
***I had a mental breakdown a couple months ago. I nearly swallowed some pills. My friends talked me out of it. I'm doing better. The psychologist annoys me because it's a waste of an hour I could spend doing homework, or something relaxing which actually helps with the stress, rather than this stupid wasted hour that I sometimes insanely need.
****It occurs to me that I've just implied gay is more normal than straight. I think we can all agree both are normal and leave it at that, yeah?
Anyways, like any great idea, someone has to steal it (and honestly, I doubt Alex came up with it on his own anyways), so I will be doing that now please and thank you.
I now present my dreamline:
Do well on my audition for Butler and get a music scholarship.
~This should hopefully be rather obvious. I'm applying there, my audition is in February, and I'd rather like to do well at it. Butler has actually already offered me a scholarship based on my academics that has made the cost, thus far, equal to that of the other school I auditioned for** (though I have not gotten anything about admission yet because it's been winter break and whatnot, so that's on the up and up). And the whole factor of an extra year of school's cost was definitely a big one. So a music scholarship on top of that... well who knows?
Dye my hair an unnatural color.
~This I have actually been planning on doing for ages as my reward for getting through auditions and thus no longer needing to look like teacher material. I'm not planning on dying all of it. Right now I think I'll probably just do the front of my hair or streaks if I don't end up getting bangs before I dye my hair. Still not sure about the color. Just not pink, because I've already done that, and not green, because that would be ugly.
Make flash cards for AP exams.
~I tell myself I'm going to do this every damn year, and I never do unless I'm doing it by the time that it's far too late. And considering that I'm taking six AP exams this year compared to the one I took sophomore year, and the two I took last year, I think flashcards are probably a lot more necessary.
Get a I at solo and ensemble competition.
~Because I take private lessons, I have to do a solo. Because this is my last year and all, I figure I should do it justice and get the highest rating possible, don't you?
Not stress out like crazy.
~Sure, the straight A's I've attained this semester are just insanely awesome, but I'm doing a lot more this semester and I'd really like to stop going to see the stupid psychologist*** and the only way for that to happen is if I don't stress out and attain another mental break down. So this semester, I don't need to get straight A's (if they happen, great. If they don't, it's not the end of the world) while I'm doing jazz band, winter guard, pit band, pep band and math team.
There are a zillion other things I'm thinking of adding to this list now. For example: I've gained two pant sizes in four months because of stress eating - that might be nice to fix. However, I think my main focus right now should just be getting into college and setting myself up to do it well, while not having another complete meltdown.
So yeah, that's my dreamline.
Oh shit >_< I've just remembered one more thing I was going to add:
Turn 17 and be awesome at it.
~No explanation needed =)
Wishing you well with your own next three months
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek
*I doubt anyone actually thinks this, I just know they are shipped together because they live together and have this perfectly awesome bromance, which is fine, they're both straight, nothing wrong with that.****
**Butler's degree takes five year, the other school's degree takes four years. So I'd still need to take into account foregone income and stuff like that, but there's a really good chance I could make Butler insanely cheap comparatively. (You can tell that I'm worried about paying for college, can't you?).
***I had a mental breakdown a couple months ago. I nearly swallowed some pills. My friends talked me out of it. I'm doing better. The psychologist annoys me because it's a waste of an hour I could spend doing homework, or something relaxing which actually helps with the stress, rather than this stupid wasted hour that I sometimes insanely need.
****It occurs to me that I've just implied gay is more normal than straight. I think we can all agree both are normal and leave it at that, yeah?
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Good Company, and Double Chocolate Chip Cookies.
So I am friends with a girl named Pauline.
I have talked about her before. She's a Sophomore, I'm a Senior. We share three classes together. She was born a pregnancy plus a few weeks after I was. Currently, we are both sixteen.
Anyways, I had her over earlier, and it was just... I haven't had proper conversation and relaxation and baking and movie watching since before I moved here, back when my ex-best friend didn't have an "ex" in her title. I haven't just properly hung out with anyone or relaxed with anyone outside of my family within my home in so long that I just need to write this down and commit it to memory.
In general, I have few truly intelligent friends. I have smart friends, but not many straight up intellectual friends who were gifted in elementary school and not just pushed hard by their parents. Pauline is one of those few people that I know, and she is one of maybe two of those that I know who is just a completely wonderful person to be around all the time. Even when she is complaining, she's the type of person that I want to cheer up instead of avoiding.
So we talked about school when we were younger, I kind of blurted out a ton of useless crap about moving all the time. We talked about glee, and books, and music, and the muppets, and 3D movies, and cheerleaders, and the vlogbrothers, and our experiences on youtube. We talked about music theory, and teaching music, and music teachers, and dancing, and ballet, and winter guard... So much.
We baked double chocolate chip cookies, the first thing I've made sweets wise that has not been chocolate chip cookies, brownies, or a cake. We finished making it, then decided that there clearly wasn't enough batter, and made more, this time doing everything sort of our of order because we were adding it to already made dough. And then we baked it, and on the fourth and last tray for the oven, we realized there were a ton of chocolate chips that had ended up on the bottom, and proceeded to add all of them to the last tray, making these sort of monster cookies.
We ate almost a full tray of cookies before we had pulled the next tray out of the oven.
Then we hung out in my room for a bit. No one ever sees my room. And Pauline told me that she liked how my bookshelves were the focal point of the room, and I had never even noticed before. And we talked and talked and talked and went downstairs to eat pizza and talked and talked and talked...
Then my dad was done playing LA Noire, and we watched winnie the pooh (the new one) with my dad. Then he left and we watched glee season 1 bonus features, and just talked some more. There was a lot of talking. I never talk so much without feeling exhausted. I talk to Crosby and I feel exhausted because he makes his jokes all of the time. I talk to Courtney, and I get exhausted because we both have just too much to tell each other, and we simply can't have the conversations we need to have over a phone. I get exhausted talking to Kat because we mostly just end up complaining about school or people. But I didn't get exhausted talking tonight, and I wish that pauline could have stayed longer because I just want to keep talking.
We also calculated that it would take 3 years and either a sex change operation on our end, or a sudden loss of homosexuality in Chris Colfer that would make us old enough and the right gender to date him. Six years for Heather Morris or Darren Criss (though Criss has a girlfriend, and Morris is straight I think...). This is all using the equation that says the youngest you can date is half your age plus seven.
She also told me about how she was in Panama one time, and she saw a llama finger puppet, and immediately bought it. She brought it with her when she went to see the glee concert last summer, along with a letter. She waited outside with her friends after the show (who also had letters for cast members) hoping to get to see them and then they had to leave early for a show the next day, so they didn't get to see them, and that box with the finger puppet is still in her room.
She told me how while waiting out there, she noticed that everyone else was clearly there because they wanted something from these people. They wanted signatures and pictures and things like that, whereas all Pauline and her friends wanted was to give something back to the people who they felt gave them so much.
I'm writing this all down because I need to commit it to memory, because I haven't been so happy and relaxed in so long.
I haven't had anyone to talk to who didn't seem to be expecting something from me in so long.
And after all this it seems like I am completely gushing right now, and I totally am, no lies about it. And you know what, if Pauline liked girls and I didn't need friends more now than relationships, and if I wasn't already good friends with Pauline and I'd just had this time with her (and I say this fully being aware that I plan to link her to this post) I would be crushing on her like no tomorrow. But I'm not, and I just need to put it out there that in this moment, I have a friend and I am happy.
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek
PS: Winter break is never long enough.
I have talked about her before. She's a Sophomore, I'm a Senior. We share three classes together. She was born a pregnancy plus a few weeks after I was. Currently, we are both sixteen.
Anyways, I had her over earlier, and it was just... I haven't had proper conversation and relaxation and baking and movie watching since before I moved here, back when my ex-best friend didn't have an "ex" in her title. I haven't just properly hung out with anyone or relaxed with anyone outside of my family within my home in so long that I just need to write this down and commit it to memory.
In general, I have few truly intelligent friends. I have smart friends, but not many straight up intellectual friends who were gifted in elementary school and not just pushed hard by their parents. Pauline is one of those few people that I know, and she is one of maybe two of those that I know who is just a completely wonderful person to be around all the time. Even when she is complaining, she's the type of person that I want to cheer up instead of avoiding.
So we talked about school when we were younger, I kind of blurted out a ton of useless crap about moving all the time. We talked about glee, and books, and music, and the muppets, and 3D movies, and cheerleaders, and the vlogbrothers, and our experiences on youtube. We talked about music theory, and teaching music, and music teachers, and dancing, and ballet, and winter guard... So much.
We baked double chocolate chip cookies, the first thing I've made sweets wise that has not been chocolate chip cookies, brownies, or a cake. We finished making it, then decided that there clearly wasn't enough batter, and made more, this time doing everything sort of our of order because we were adding it to already made dough. And then we baked it, and on the fourth and last tray for the oven, we realized there were a ton of chocolate chips that had ended up on the bottom, and proceeded to add all of them to the last tray, making these sort of monster cookies.
We ate almost a full tray of cookies before we had pulled the next tray out of the oven.
Then we hung out in my room for a bit. No one ever sees my room. And Pauline told me that she liked how my bookshelves were the focal point of the room, and I had never even noticed before. And we talked and talked and talked and went downstairs to eat pizza and talked and talked and talked...
Then my dad was done playing LA Noire, and we watched winnie the pooh (the new one) with my dad. Then he left and we watched glee season 1 bonus features, and just talked some more. There was a lot of talking. I never talk so much without feeling exhausted. I talk to Crosby and I feel exhausted because he makes his jokes all of the time. I talk to Courtney, and I get exhausted because we both have just too much to tell each other, and we simply can't have the conversations we need to have over a phone. I get exhausted talking to Kat because we mostly just end up complaining about school or people. But I didn't get exhausted talking tonight, and I wish that pauline could have stayed longer because I just want to keep talking.
We also calculated that it would take 3 years and either a sex change operation on our end, or a sudden loss of homosexuality in Chris Colfer that would make us old enough and the right gender to date him. Six years for Heather Morris or Darren Criss (though Criss has a girlfriend, and Morris is straight I think...). This is all using the equation that says the youngest you can date is half your age plus seven.
She also told me about how she was in Panama one time, and she saw a llama finger puppet, and immediately bought it. She brought it with her when she went to see the glee concert last summer, along with a letter. She waited outside with her friends after the show (who also had letters for cast members) hoping to get to see them and then they had to leave early for a show the next day, so they didn't get to see them, and that box with the finger puppet is still in her room.
She told me how while waiting out there, she noticed that everyone else was clearly there because they wanted something from these people. They wanted signatures and pictures and things like that, whereas all Pauline and her friends wanted was to give something back to the people who they felt gave them so much.
I'm writing this all down because I need to commit it to memory, because I haven't been so happy and relaxed in so long.
I haven't had anyone to talk to who didn't seem to be expecting something from me in so long.
And after all this it seems like I am completely gushing right now, and I totally am, no lies about it. And you know what, if Pauline liked girls and I didn't need friends more now than relationships, and if I wasn't already good friends with Pauline and I'd just had this time with her (and I say this fully being aware that I plan to link her to this post) I would be crushing on her like no tomorrow. But I'm not, and I just need to put it out there that in this moment, I have a friend and I am happy.
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek
PS: Winter break is never long enough.
