By this point, it is a twice a week event for me to just stare at this webpage, and have fear instilled into my bones.
You know how college finals are supposed to be simply horrific, and no one wears anything but pj's or takes showers or anything for the whole week as they stay up cramming like mad men?
I think that when you have the equivalent college load in AP courses it is a lot scarier.
Here is my schedule for my AP finals:
Monday: School, followed by afternoon cramming.
Tuesday: School, followed by afternoon cramming.
Wednesday: Calc BC exam in the morning. Afternoon will likely be spent at other high school in my district (it's the one that has an actual stage) where we will do "dress rehearsal" for our concert later that evening, which will likely end around 9:30, with every single senior girl having had bawled her eyes out.
Thursday: AP Lit exam in the morning. Afternoon spent sleeping off the past two days. Night spent high on caffeine, studying.
Friday: School, but I'll likely be ditching every class to go hang out in the band room and study. (Assuming permissions from teachers, because ditching class can lead to not walking at graduation. However, I'm pretty sure they will take pity on me and let me free.) Perhaps I will spend the afternoon relaxing and napping, before studying, and then getting a full night's sleep.
Saturday: Study. Maybe eat a real meal not consisting of potato chips or fast food or caffeine.
Sunday: Study. Maybe have time to take a shower.
Monday: Music theory exam in the morning. Beginning of the end of ability to focus. Afternoon spent playing video games. Maybe some deep French thinking to prepare for...
Tuesday: Sleep in, then go to breakfast with some friends from AP French. Take AP French exam in the afternoon (why is this my only afternoon exam? Not fair!). Probably take a walk around after the exam as I realize summer is so tantalizingly close. Attend Senior academic award ceremony soon after.
Wednesday: Technically senior exam finals, but as mine are all AP exams, I won't need to show up. I'll probably do some of my last bit of studying in the morning, followed by meeting up with some senior friends once they are done with their finals. I'll probably stay up too late hanging out with people who don't have to get up in the morning.
Thursday: Macroeconomics in the morning. An hour or so for lunch. Microeconomics in the afternoon. Find myself devoid of ability to think anymore, and wondering what my purpose in life is now.
Friday: Senior breakfast banquet, and graduation practice until noon. Lunch with friends.
Saturday: ???
Sunday: Graduate.
Now, I notice that you all are wondering why the hell I look at this schedule twice a week and have to think about it. Particularly considering that it is JANUARY? Well let me tell you something mister or missy. It is the END of January. My flash cards are almost nonexistent. There are only four months before I take six exams that in the past I have only spent a month cramming for because there were only one or two. But this is six.
I'm panicking because it feels like May is tomorrow and not a few months away. I feel like someone could wake me up tomorrow and be like "get on your dress, it's the big day!" And I will simply be done.
I dunno. I just have to think about it, because it's all that my life is centered around right now. My life is really just 7 classes with lunch somewhere in there, followed by afternoons of homework and band stuff.
Compared to all that, getting into college was easy. So that must mean that the actual graduating from high school thing will be horrible. I'm fixating because I'm terrified. What if I fail all those things, what if I come out knowing nothing? What if they don't let me walk because I had the audacity to skip classes on that last Friday?
As much as I would love to be at college right now, I'm not ready to graduate.
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Memorization (and Procrastination?)
My Lit teacher strongly believes that route memorization has a place in education, and has outright told us so. "If I go to the doctor, I want him to have these diseases memorized or my body parts memorized," she's said, or at least I've paraphrased. My Lit teacher always seems to say things that ruffle my feathers, regardless of my agreement because her tone of voice tends to imply an absolute correctness of opinion, as if the idea were such a possibility!
So I attend her class, and memorize my vocabulary and Greek mythology and poetry terms, because I am a good little AP student working towards my goal of... well, something.
Most of my AP classes, I know, will not give me any credit once I am at college. You don't need calculus or economics or European history to become a music teacher. I mean, sure, they are applicable (well, maybe economics is a stretch as far as applicability goes) in some form or another, but I can certainly get by without them.
I suppose, when I was young, my goal was to take as many AP classes as possible, because I knew that was what smart kids did. Later on, it must have been something about appealing to colleges. My junior year, when I signed up for my senior AP schedule of hell, it was all about college credit.
So I talked myself into these classes, and now find myself awash in memorized facts and information that's usefulness is debatable. It all goes away eventually.
My basic memory of US history (my first ever AP class) is the differences between the AoC and the Constitution, what events lead to the Revolution, the time frame surrounding the Civil War and bits and pieces of the war, WWI through WWII, and Reagan. I suppose that's more than the average person certainly knows, but I know there are 44 presidents, so somewhere along the line, I've most definitely missed something.
AP Euro is even foggier, as it was my first experience with history outside of the US (skipping a grade and moving around made this a possibility) and I detested my teacher something fierce (I suppose you need one mortal enemy in the form of a teacher per year, otherwise there's nothing you can fairly complain about). I do remember a French Revolution, and a couple world wars, and some stuff about religion... Oh, and there was definitely quite a bit going on with Prussia, Russia, and Austria (who had known there was such a country named Prussia before this?), but I have no idea what.
Lit seems to be my favorite class to pick on this year, and let me tell you, I can remember nada that I have memorized (and memorized have I ever...).
Which begs the question, if only months after memorizing something for a class, you have forgotten it all, do you really want your doctor to simply be a memorizer?
The classes I have retained the most from have been the classes where I have grown to understand something, rather than having had shoved it in my brain.
Mathematics without memorized formulas (formulas are fine though) is beautiful in how it describes the world. I melted into English last year, as my teacher taught us how to argue like the best of politicians. Biology was fun and zany when my understanding came from experiments and practice, rather than memorization of organelles. Music is my heart and soul in its lack of route memorization.
My point here is simple: the memorization needs to stop. We are taking away the beauty, wonder, and excitement from the world by presenting the world as a list and telling kids "get this down by tomorrow."
(Alright, and personally, I would love a lighter load on the homework right now. AP classes=my insanity. But, you know, the kids!)
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek
PS: Some of this thinking on learning has been caused by a mass binge on Vi Hart, Kahn Academy, Vlogbrothers, XKCD, and the wikipedia-ing that they have brought. If you have the time, I suggest a massive, nerdy binge.
PPS: Yes, I was procrastinating on my English as I wrote this. We've been in "poetry boot camp for the past two weeks, which has equated to two hours of homework a night, and I just can't do it anymore. Which is of course, how this weekend it got procrastinated until the night (technically now morning) before it was due.
PPPS: YAY FOR CAFFEINE! WHEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!
So I attend her class, and memorize my vocabulary and Greek mythology and poetry terms, because I am a good little AP student working towards my goal of... well, something.
Most of my AP classes, I know, will not give me any credit once I am at college. You don't need calculus or economics or European history to become a music teacher. I mean, sure, they are applicable (well, maybe economics is a stretch as far as applicability goes) in some form or another, but I can certainly get by without them.
I suppose, when I was young, my goal was to take as many AP classes as possible, because I knew that was what smart kids did. Later on, it must have been something about appealing to colleges. My junior year, when I signed up for my senior AP schedule of hell, it was all about college credit.
So I talked myself into these classes, and now find myself awash in memorized facts and information that's usefulness is debatable. It all goes away eventually.
My basic memory of US history (my first ever AP class) is the differences between the AoC and the Constitution, what events lead to the Revolution, the time frame surrounding the Civil War and bits and pieces of the war, WWI through WWII, and Reagan. I suppose that's more than the average person certainly knows, but I know there are 44 presidents, so somewhere along the line, I've most definitely missed something.
AP Euro is even foggier, as it was my first experience with history outside of the US (skipping a grade and moving around made this a possibility) and I detested my teacher something fierce (I suppose you need one mortal enemy in the form of a teacher per year, otherwise there's nothing you can fairly complain about). I do remember a French Revolution, and a couple world wars, and some stuff about religion... Oh, and there was definitely quite a bit going on with Prussia, Russia, and Austria (who had known there was such a country named Prussia before this?), but I have no idea what.
Lit seems to be my favorite class to pick on this year, and let me tell you, I can remember nada that I have memorized (and memorized have I ever...).
Which begs the question, if only months after memorizing something for a class, you have forgotten it all, do you really want your doctor to simply be a memorizer?
The classes I have retained the most from have been the classes where I have grown to understand something, rather than having had shoved it in my brain.
Mathematics without memorized formulas (formulas are fine though) is beautiful in how it describes the world. I melted into English last year, as my teacher taught us how to argue like the best of politicians. Biology was fun and zany when my understanding came from experiments and practice, rather than memorization of organelles. Music is my heart and soul in its lack of route memorization.
My point here is simple: the memorization needs to stop. We are taking away the beauty, wonder, and excitement from the world by presenting the world as a list and telling kids "get this down by tomorrow."
(Alright, and personally, I would love a lighter load on the homework right now. AP classes=my insanity. But, you know, the kids!)
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek
PS: Some of this thinking on learning has been caused by a mass binge on Vi Hart, Kahn Academy, Vlogbrothers, XKCD, and the wikipedia-ing that they have brought. If you have the time, I suggest a massive, nerdy binge.
PPS: Yes, I was procrastinating on my English as I wrote this. We've been in "poetry boot camp for the past two weeks, which has equated to two hours of homework a night, and I just can't do it anymore. Which is of course, how this weekend it got procrastinated until the night (technically now morning) before it was due.
PPPS: YAY FOR CAFFEINE! WHEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Dreamline?
So Alex Day (aka: nerimon, aka: the one everyone thinks is shacking up with Charlie McDonnel* [aka: charlieissocoollike]) does this thing every three months called a dream line. Basically he sets... not necessarily goals, though some things are goals, but more just things he wants to have happen. It's a way of just sort of analyzing your life and setting yourself up to be where you want to be.
Anyways, like any great idea, someone has to steal it (and honestly, I doubt Alex came up with it on his own anyways), so I will be doing that now please and thank you.
I now present my dreamline:
Do well on my audition for Butler and get a music scholarship.
~This should hopefully be rather obvious. I'm applying there, my audition is in February, and I'd rather like to do well at it. Butler has actually already offered me a scholarship based on my academics that has made the cost, thus far, equal to that of the other school I auditioned for** (though I have not gotten anything about admission yet because it's been winter break and whatnot, so that's on the up and up). And the whole factor of an extra year of school's cost was definitely a big one. So a music scholarship on top of that... well who knows?
Dye my hair an unnatural color.
~This I have actually been planning on doing for ages as my reward for getting through auditions and thus no longer needing to look like teacher material. I'm not planning on dying all of it. Right now I think I'll probably just do the front of my hair or streaks if I don't end up getting bangs before I dye my hair. Still not sure about the color. Just not pink, because I've already done that, and not green, because that would be ugly.
Make flash cards for AP exams.
~I tell myself I'm going to do this every damn year, and I never do unless I'm doing it by the time that it's far too late. And considering that I'm taking six AP exams this year compared to the one I took sophomore year, and the two I took last year, I think flashcards are probably a lot more necessary.
Get a I at solo and ensemble competition.
~Because I take private lessons, I have to do a solo. Because this is my last year and all, I figure I should do it justice and get the highest rating possible, don't you?
Not stress out like crazy.
~Sure, the straight A's I've attained this semester are just insanely awesome, but I'm doing a lot more this semester and I'd really like to stop going to see the stupid psychologist*** and the only way for that to happen is if I don't stress out and attain another mental break down. So this semester, I don't need to get straight A's (if they happen, great. If they don't, it's not the end of the world) while I'm doing jazz band, winter guard, pit band, pep band and math team.
There are a zillion other things I'm thinking of adding to this list now. For example: I've gained two pant sizes in four months because of stress eating - that might be nice to fix. However, I think my main focus right now should just be getting into college and setting myself up to do it well, while not having another complete meltdown.
So yeah, that's my dreamline.
Oh shit >_< I've just remembered one more thing I was going to add:
Turn 17 and be awesome at it.
~No explanation needed =)
Wishing you well with your own next three months
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek
*I doubt anyone actually thinks this, I just know they are shipped together because they live together and have this perfectly awesome bromance, which is fine, they're both straight, nothing wrong with that.****
**Butler's degree takes five year, the other school's degree takes four years. So I'd still need to take into account foregone income and stuff like that, but there's a really good chance I could make Butler insanely cheap comparatively. (You can tell that I'm worried about paying for college, can't you?).
***I had a mental breakdown a couple months ago. I nearly swallowed some pills. My friends talked me out of it. I'm doing better. The psychologist annoys me because it's a waste of an hour I could spend doing homework, or something relaxing which actually helps with the stress, rather than this stupid wasted hour that I sometimes insanely need.
****It occurs to me that I've just implied gay is more normal than straight. I think we can all agree both are normal and leave it at that, yeah?
Anyways, like any great idea, someone has to steal it (and honestly, I doubt Alex came up with it on his own anyways), so I will be doing that now please and thank you.
I now present my dreamline:
Do well on my audition for Butler and get a music scholarship.
~This should hopefully be rather obvious. I'm applying there, my audition is in February, and I'd rather like to do well at it. Butler has actually already offered me a scholarship based on my academics that has made the cost, thus far, equal to that of the other school I auditioned for** (though I have not gotten anything about admission yet because it's been winter break and whatnot, so that's on the up and up). And the whole factor of an extra year of school's cost was definitely a big one. So a music scholarship on top of that... well who knows?
Dye my hair an unnatural color.
~This I have actually been planning on doing for ages as my reward for getting through auditions and thus no longer needing to look like teacher material. I'm not planning on dying all of it. Right now I think I'll probably just do the front of my hair or streaks if I don't end up getting bangs before I dye my hair. Still not sure about the color. Just not pink, because I've already done that, and not green, because that would be ugly.
Make flash cards for AP exams.
~I tell myself I'm going to do this every damn year, and I never do unless I'm doing it by the time that it's far too late. And considering that I'm taking six AP exams this year compared to the one I took sophomore year, and the two I took last year, I think flashcards are probably a lot more necessary.
Get a I at solo and ensemble competition.
~Because I take private lessons, I have to do a solo. Because this is my last year and all, I figure I should do it justice and get the highest rating possible, don't you?
Not stress out like crazy.
~Sure, the straight A's I've attained this semester are just insanely awesome, but I'm doing a lot more this semester and I'd really like to stop going to see the stupid psychologist*** and the only way for that to happen is if I don't stress out and attain another mental break down. So this semester, I don't need to get straight A's (if they happen, great. If they don't, it's not the end of the world) while I'm doing jazz band, winter guard, pit band, pep band and math team.
There are a zillion other things I'm thinking of adding to this list now. For example: I've gained two pant sizes in four months because of stress eating - that might be nice to fix. However, I think my main focus right now should just be getting into college and setting myself up to do it well, while not having another complete meltdown.
So yeah, that's my dreamline.
Oh shit >_< I've just remembered one more thing I was going to add:
Turn 17 and be awesome at it.
~No explanation needed =)
Wishing you well with your own next three months
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek
*I doubt anyone actually thinks this, I just know they are shipped together because they live together and have this perfectly awesome bromance, which is fine, they're both straight, nothing wrong with that.****
**Butler's degree takes five year, the other school's degree takes four years. So I'd still need to take into account foregone income and stuff like that, but there's a really good chance I could make Butler insanely cheap comparatively. (You can tell that I'm worried about paying for college, can't you?).
***I had a mental breakdown a couple months ago. I nearly swallowed some pills. My friends talked me out of it. I'm doing better. The psychologist annoys me because it's a waste of an hour I could spend doing homework, or something relaxing which actually helps with the stress, rather than this stupid wasted hour that I sometimes insanely need.
****It occurs to me that I've just implied gay is more normal than straight. I think we can all agree both are normal and leave it at that, yeah?
