Apparently I AM an angsty teenager. How normal of me.

I'm making this whole not posting thing a real bad habit aren't I?

I'm planning on working on that. I mean, to be posting right now, I had to dig out my keyboard.

Oh computer issues. Right, so as I've stated previously here, the keyboard on my laptop likes to act up maybe once a day. Well now it's a helluva lot worse. So if I want to really type anything I have to plug in this really old keyboard we have to one of the USB ports. Now second, there is the issue of my power cord, which decided to stop charging my laptop. So now I can only charge it when my mom is home (because she takes her cord and laptop to work), and I'm probably not going to be able to bring my laptop to Texas, which is a COMPLETE bummer, because I'm going to need to import a lot of video footage onto my external hard drive.

You know, this week overall has me just stressed to the point that if I were to actually give in and cry or something stupid and cliche like that, I might not stop. And if that ain't a cliche if I've ever seen one...

First of all, it's the week of Christmas, which I haven't been able to properly celebrate with snow in three years, or even a TREE in two years. Never mind that there isn't as much goodies this year because of buying a house and all, because it's enough Christmas to make me very happy. But school has to go and ruin it. I have had finals all this week. Monday was three exams, one was really hard, and the two were just enough to make me insanely annoyed. Today I had my two hardest exams on the same freaking day.

And of course that is just the begining of issues with these past seven days. I keep getting those exams back, and none of the hard ones that I actually put a bit of effort into amount into anything higher than a C. I hate finals. They don't weigh enough to actually get you anywhere further in the class, making it really hard for me to want to study, but then they're worth just enough to bring down your entire grade. And I've never had an issue with finals before, because they've never been demanding or bitchy or painstakingly saddening before. I want to stab finals a la River Tam.

And then this week brought news about one of my friends just augh. I won't get into it, but it's really upsetting, and for now I've just been acting like I don't know anything and going along with it when what I really want to do is just shove them or something else stupid and wreckless that would get me nowhere. Not that I even can anyways. And other friends being stupid, I know it's really just bad timing on my part that I can't ever get one of my friends when they aren't busy, but you'd think they might try to make the effort to contact me as well. Because goddam it, I've needed that person a lot recently and they've been a no show.

Oh and just some added cake toppers... I had to get a Tdap today because my school was going to kick me out if I wasn't properly immunized and blah blah blah. My dad and I were supposed to go and get my mom a gift today, as well as giving me the opportunity to get my friends some gifts. But that got screwed over today, and tomorrow being the last day I'd see non-Texas trip people until January 7th, it means I can't get sweets to pass out or anything...

Oh and break, may I just mention another reason my history teacher boils my blood (not that I'm sure I've actually mentioned anything before on here, but that needs to be a post on its own once I know for sure I won't ever have to see him again against my will): He is the only teacher I had that gave homework over break, and he gave quite a lot of it. Which only stresses me out because I'm only really getting a week of Break with Texas and.

AUGH.

You know, I was gonna talk about nice things today. Or just ramble on like I usually do. I mean, I have quite a lot to say about Firefly, having just watched all of it and the movie in the last week (actually, I just finished the movie and popped around the net for about 15 minutes before stopping here). And talk about how I now am unsure about whether I want to date or be River Tam, or Kaylee. Because those two are just... Words can't describe it. If only the characters were real people... Actually no, the implications of that are a bit much.

Oh and I'm going to lick Courtney on camera when we're at sea world. If I achieve anything, it must be that. Good thing she doesn't read this, now don't tell please *shhh*

Admittedly, this will probably be my last post until I get back from Texas. Although if I get a power cord for Christmas I will at least keep track of things on the trip for y'all. You deserve it if you've read this far (leave a comment with the word quintessential to prove you've read this far through all of my crap, and get a virtual Christmas cookie - Complete with sprinkles!)

Have a happy Christmas, eat lots of real cookies, and enjoy your time with your family!
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek

Procrastination at its Finest

So this is a short excerpt from the bit of NaNoWriMo that I did do. I should be doing my homework instead of posting this, but this is of course, procrastination at its finest. Plus I'm still feeling a tad sick, so homework can suck it. Also, please understand this is completely unedited, and thus, completely sucks.


The subway station is warmer, but not nearly warm enough. My eyes dart around. They all probably think I'm on drugs. It's not like it hasn't happened before. I didn't even develop this habit until I was six years old...

The numbers had always been there, so I gave them no notice. I thought everyone saw them, and just didn't talk about it. No one had ever said anything about the numbers, so it was probably an older person thing. Nothing to worry about.

After about a month of begging my mom to "please, please, please, let me get a hamster!" I was finally given my wish. We were going to go to the pet store right after she got home from work. I'd already decided on names. Rockstar for a boy, or Amy for a girl. I practically ran all the way home, key around my neck, pulsing with my steps. Badum, Badum, Badum... The clock moved terribly slow, yet I continued to stare as the second hand continued its circle.

At 5:30 she was home, and I cried out, "C'mon, you took forever. Let's go." She may have laughed, but I took no notice. I was getting my hamster!

I was determined to run straight to the hamsters, but mom directed me to the cages. "He'll want to know a nice home is waiting for him before he comes home with us." I, of course trusted her. It was a modest cage, with a water bottle attached. We also got him a little house, and a hamster wheel. I attempted to run over to the hamsters again, but she reminded me that he needed food. So I begrudgingly stomped along.

Finally, I was free to run to the hamsters. Immediately, I saw my Rockstar. He was honey brown, with the cutest beady eyes, and a little nose sniffing tentatively in the air. My mother found an employee, who explained to me how I needed to take extremely good care of my pet, because animals need love and attention. I promised I would, and was presented with my little Rockstar.

One thing I immediately noticed about Rockstar was that his numbers were lower than any other person or animal I'd seen. 000:00:1:2:03:24. But I didn't think it was too big of a deal. The numbers changed all the time.

For the first couple of days, Rockstar was the only recipient of my love and attention. Then I got distracted, but remembered to feed him. Then one day, I didn't remember to feed him anymore.

His last day alive, I noticed his numbers were almost all zero. 000:00:0:0:07:42. I went to my friend's apartment to play for a bit. When I came back, Rockstar's numbers read 000:00:0:0:00:28. It occurred to me that I hadn't fed him in a while, and gave him some food. It was too late though, because I watched him crawl into the corner as his numbers hit 000:00:0:0:00:01, before disappearing altogether. I prodded him, hopelessly confused, before I realized he had died.

The numbers were counting down to death.


So I just want to know what you think, so feel free to leave a comment with telling me what was good, what needs some work, ect.

Oh, and since it might not be completely obvious, that scene is not the first in the book. It's about seven pages into what I hand wrote. I chose it because it makes enough sense on its own without any background.
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek

Sick

I'm sick right now. And it sucks.

Yesterday I got home from school, let the dog out, let her back in, then proceeded to sleep for two hours until my mom called me asking what I wanted for dinner. Then I just sort of lay there like I was dead or something, with the tv on in the background. After that I ate, went upstairs and did the internet thing for a bit. I felt tired at about ten, so I closed my laptop to go to sleep, only I could not get comfortable. I was tossing and turning until about one in the morning. And then after finally getting some sleep, I woke up at six, thinking that I'd only slept for an hour again, only to find there was snow outside. Snow which means I'm in trouble, because yesterday I was supposed clean up the yard before it snowed. And snow which I cannot properly partake in, because my head feels like it's trying to explode. I wish I could make snow angels today.

It's still snowing. This morning when I woke up, it was simply a couple of inches of snow, with a dark sky. But it started snowing again around eight, and hasn't stopped for the past two hours. It's absolutely gorgeous. I wish it could look like this forever.

I really think I need to take a shower, because we are getting our new washer and dryer delivered today (thank goodness, our washer and dryer that we have right now are ancient, loud, annoying things). However, I would much rather just stay here in bed, staring out the window and watching the snow fall as cars and snow plows drive by.
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek

75! Oh wait... 76.

That last post was my 75th post! I didn't even know. I have to make sure I notice when it's my 100th post. There shall be a Par-TAY!

I'm currently watching the Daily Show from yesterday. I'm all behind on tv and youtube and reading blog posts because of having family over last week. That and I've been reading actual books a lot more lately. Which surprisingly I haven't done in a while. So I'm sort of devouring things again. Which is good for my literacy, and bad for everything else.

I have to finish writing an essay tonight. I'm arguing against Thoreau. I basically twisted the quote I'm arguing to say that Thoreau was against technology in general, by saying that it doesn't at all apply to modern life.

Are you bored? Because my essay is making me bored as well.

The little bit of my NaNoWriMo story that I've written I'm going to post. After that I'd like to keep working on it, and probably post a section on here every few weeks. It's about this girl who can see when people are going to die.

5AG is ending in its current form. I'm so sad. Every time that something I considered to be stable ends, I can't help but think about all the things that have specifically ended for me. Mostly living in certain places. But I will be sad. I found italktosnakes, then 5AG and then the vlogbrothers. So if not for 5AG I wouldn't have a group of people I always knew I could be safe with.

Probably no one would be reading this if not for the vlogbrothers... =/

Let's talk about somethings that are happy!

IT SNOWED TODAY! My first snow in three years =D <3 I hope it snows all night and sticks so that there's at least a centimeter. Because even a centimeter of snow would be AMAZING. My favorite season is here for REAL!

Then because of a jazz band field trip I don't have to go to either of my AP classes. Not that I precisely dislike the classes. But it's nice to get a break from mu harder classes.

I always think it's funny that my two worst core classes were the ones I ended up getting put into AP for xD

I feel like I have too much to say! No more hiatuses again, or I'll spew nonsense out of my mouth for ages.

Off to finish my essay!
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek

Update on life

I haven't been here in a while.

How are y'all doing?

I'm doing alright. I've read some books (the Hunger Games series, and in the middle of Fallout right now). I've watched some movies (Red, and Harry Potter). Ate some turkey (and ambrosia, and mashed potatoes, and stuffing, and rolls, and PIE). Had some family visit (despite not being American, they visit during Thanksgiving for the food). Gotten a french horn from school (ABSOLUTE JOY!!). And reconnected with some people in a necessary way.

That last bit really was necessary. There is only so much solitary life a person can take (not including friends far away, I'm talking irl), before finally they suffocate. I've just been so busy I never got to see anybody. And then someone else... Well how that got to where it was is extremely complicated, but burying all the issues for two months and the person as well did not work. Things are being fixed I hope. Only time will tell.

And then I officially gave up NaNoWriMo. First I gave up, then was convinced to start again, then changed to the ywp, and finally just completely gave up. I've learned that I cannot manage handwriting around 1800 words a day. And until I get a laptop that doesn't lose the ability to use the delete and space key with enough frequency to get in the way, I will be handwriting.

Also, I must say I am immensely happy that Alan and Luke gave away free digital copies of Erase This for thanksgiving. I'm listening to it on repeat right now.

So that is a basic update. I will be back to blogging properly soon I promise.
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek

My inner voice

Inner Voice: I see you're wearing the sweatpants shorts combo today.
Me: You betcha
I.V.: Is there a point?
Me: Band-O-Rama
I.V.: Okay then. But remember, you are the weirdest person I know
Me: I'm the only person you know.
I.V.: ...
Me: It's okay, I love you. Even though you are me... but then I should love me, although not too much that would be vain... but then what is vain? You know *continues mindless chattering*
I.V.: *facepalm*

That is all
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek

PANTS

I am buying PANTS today. You have no idea how much this excites me. I will now list why this excites me.

1) Fall is cold, and pants are warm
2) I only own 5 pairs of pants. The rest of my clothes are summery skirts
3) We are going to old navy. I like old navy.
4) I can look at more skirts as well
5) and maybe some long sleeve shirts
6) tights or leggings?
7) maybe some flats...
8) Ooh, how about a sweatshirt?

Quite obviously, I have not been fall shopping in a while. And though I am not normally the shopping type, I can be a little excited right?? I mean, I haven't been able to get a proper new set of clothes in a while. It's always just a tee-shirt or a skirt or a dress every once in a while. Plus, I realized about a week ago that all of my shirts are either red, green, grey or baggy (ex: show shirts, baseball tshirts, in and out burger shirts...). I personally like blue, but I only have one shirt. Orange and yellow I can do without. And a spot of purple might be nice. I mean, in order to wear purple earlier this week in recognition of those who committed suicide because of gay bullying I had to steal my mom's purple hoodie.

Oh, a couple other reasons I am excited for pants:

9) Old Navy is next to the bookstore.
10) I need to buy the crucible.
11) After I buy the crucible, I can lurk through the YA books.

Oh gosh, and I get to buy a new fleece jacket soon, and then a winter coat and gloves and a hat.

I'm really not normally this excited for clothes. I swear. It's just nice to have new things every once in a while.

Plus, I think the greatest thing about this all for me is that soon there will be SNOW. I haven't seen snow in three years. I'm EXCITED.

Is there anyone else who shares my normal aversion to clothes except in rare cases? What are those rare cases? I want to know.

Now I must go, because I have to print a borders coupon and see if my pants are out of the dryer so I can venture into the world.

Hope your weekend has been relaxing and/or fun!
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek

PS: In order to keep track of my NaNoWriMo without turning this blog into a NaNoWriMo blog for a month, I have created this blog: http://50kisinsane.blogspot.com/ I am going to make my first post on there today. And I promise not to utter the word NaNoWriMo on this blog in order to maintain my sanity, and possibly yours.

School, NaNoWriMo, and BAND =)

Ah, okay, I'm totally falling behind in school work, but I love you all who read this, because you all have special armbands, so yeah.

Wow. I have no idea what THAT was.

Right, so I have an audition this Friday, I have definitely not practiced nearly enough for that. Then my math homework has been taking me a lot of time, because I'm playing catch up since this school pairs Alg 2 and Trig and AUGH. And English makes me write essays, and NaNoWriMo...

I've narrowed NaNoWriMo down to the two stories I've already been working on. I think I'm leaning towards the story I wrote in middle school. But you are not holding me to that whatsoever. I will know for sure after this weekend, because I am having a sticky note day this weekend maybe with my friend Niki maybe not with her. I should ask her about that again, I slack off too much xD

Oh, and speaking of NaNoWriMo, Jess (not me Jess) commented on my post yesterday about a project she is doing that ties into NaNoWriMo, so if you are going to be giving up your November this year as well, you should go to this link: http://nanonerdfighters.blogspot.com/

Right so I'm going to be going, because I have a lot of other online procrastination things to do before dinner. Cuz after dinner I will be a good little girl and do my homework... maybe xD
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek

PS: My band won first place in our division on Sunday, and it was awesome, even if I didn't get home to my bed until 11 PM that night.
PPS: I just remembered, one of our drum majors gave us a shout out that began "You are all beautiful like trees" Oh gosh, I wish I'd been allowed to laugh.

NaNoWriMo

Is anyone doing NaNoWriMo this year?

I always want to do NaNoWriMo, but the first year I knew about it I was in 7th grade, and knew there was no realistic way for me to pull it off, especially since we were in the middle of a move that month, and lived in a hotel for half of the month. A year later I was a 13 year old ninth grader, in the wake of my first marching season, and was more focused on fanfiction. It wasn't right for me then. Last year, I was very excited to do it with almost no plot to go on, but then I got grounded because I'd gotten some bad grades, and lost my laptop/internet until December. So now we're to this year.

I have a few different stories I've been considering working on. First is a series I originally wrote a large chunk of in middle school, that I think has marinaded (to use the words of Maureen Johnson's editor) long enough for me to be able to work on fixing a lot of its original problems in a complete redraft. Then I have another story I was working on towards the end of this summer that I stopped working on because of school and it only having an end goal, but no plot for in between whatsoever.

I also have two very sketchy plot outlines in my head. One about a girl growing up in sort of post apocalyptic world a few centuries from our own who wants to see rain. And another about a girl's life once she has returned to her family after being kidnapped ten years before.

All of these issues have their own strengths and issues. The series is one that I actually plotted out in a more structured way than anything else I'm considering, but that also means figuring out what to cut for plot pace. My summer story has a lack of plot that I've already mentioned, but I have a very clear picture of the characters. The first plot outline I've been thinking about for half a year, so there are a lot of little details I already know, but then I have no plot to go with it right now. The final plot is one that I came up with a couple of weeks ago when I realized it was almost NaNoWriMo, so there aren't any details, and the storyline also comes with a lot of research that I'm not sure I can do in 2 weeks, but then right now it could go anywhere.

I have no idea which of these stories I will do. If any considering that I'm not sure how busy I will be in November, and this all makes me really nervous. But then I know that sitting around like this will mean me never writing anything, which is counter productive,but I know myself, and I am lazy.

In other news, this has to be the craziest week I've had in a long time, and because of all the crazy going on, I havent gotten a proper night of sleep all week I would have finally caught up on some sleep today if it hadn't been decided that I was going to drive us to the commissary and be woken up far too early for someone who hasn't been sleeping and RAWR! Things just aren't going the way they should be, and I find myself far too stressed out. I just want one night where I can get to bed at nine and wake up at noon *sigh*

Yours,
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek

Silence

Some people have this intense need to fill every moment with chatter. Sometimes I am this person. Most of the time, however, I am not.

Silence is something deeply embedded in me. My mother is Finnish, and says in childhood you're told you shouldn't speak unless you have something to say. I used to read almost constantly, and reveled in days spent in bed or in an armchair reading a new book, which easily leads to silence (at least when I was a young child it did, because iTunes did not exist to be beckoned for every waking moment).

In a restaurant, my family is the quiet group sitting and enjoying their food. For the French, food is culture, which includes conversation, and that's great for them. But a lot of the time when I sit down for dinner, it's nice to have a bit of silence now and then to truly enjoy your food. And the silence is never awkward. It's simply nice.

Ashley was/is one of my best friends for a reason. While I can't say I knew everything about her, I sure knew a lot about her. And eventually we fell into an entirely pleasant routine of silence together. Never, again, awkward. We've had phone calls that are simply us just sitting there knowing that the other person is at the other end. And she sort of baffles me with this ability, because her house is always lively with five children inside.

Maybe part of this love of silence so ingrained in me is what it means. If you aren't awkwardly silent with someone, yet are silent with that person a lot, it tends to mean that the conversations you do have are more meaningful in some way. And a non-awkward silence implies a large amount of comfort with the person. You don't need to say anything. In some ways, it's almost telekinetic, because your thoughts can be at the same place without anyone needing to say it.

And why ruin a perfect moment by talking about it. You pull away from the experience when you do that. If you're looking at the stars lying in your significant other's arms, talking might just ruin the moment. Or perhaps, to pull away from something as obviously amazing and wonderful, simply the act of talking while watching a movie can ruin things and pull you out of what you're experiencing.

Silence is golden. You cannot contest that.
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek

PS: I met John Green! I made a video, and added some extra details in a post on my collab blog, which can be seen by clicking here.

Choices

Gah, I said I'd post every day this weekend.

I'm sort of at that point of tired where you feel heavy. But my mind is inherently telling me that I'm not going to be able to sleep yet. And I know it's right, because my room is an oven right now. I liked fall better when it was cold >_<

My mind is all in a tizzy, just going this-a-way and that-a-way. It's thinking about what choices mean. I mostly blame this on a lot of reading of a blog about Fringe today. And then of course watching some vlogbrothers videos that discussed choices, and having some twitter people speak of it today. And then having some choices come up for myself. Choices are everywhere today.

It's not exactly like I have an opinion of choices in general and their implications. More of just a viewpoint of awe that I can't quite explain. Choices make everything the way it is, but in the end perhaps these choices are predestined. Or maybe one simplistic choice to kick a rock could lead to a future Apocalypse. Or maybe kicking that rock will have no effect on the world ever again. The rock will simply continue to exist without any impact ever again.

Then there is that profound feeling of inability to control things through any choice you make. I've been missing my friends a lot lately. And there isn't much I can do about it. We talk of course, but it's not the same as real person contact, and short of saving every penny I get towards plane tickets there isn't much I can do. And most of my allowance goes towards eating lunch, and getting my friends presents for birthdays, and Christmas, and just because I know they would love something, and it's the only way I can think of sharing it with them. I am such a sap. And then things have come up lately, like being caught up on some gossip, that caused me to realize how much things are changing without me. I mean, one of my friends has even seemed to have flipped their entire set of core values and I have no clue how it happened.

I really just want to go to sleep. My room is so damn warm.
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek

PS: Nerdfighter meet up tomorrow! *uber excited*

FOUR DAY WEEKEND!!!!

Oh school, how I do love thee. Particularly when I don't have to be with you. That's when you make me love you the most.

I am insanely excited for this weekend. Four day weekends happened frequently enough in Hawaii with the furloha fridays that they weren't a big deal, but now they feel like an epically big deal. So here is what I plan for my weekend:

Today
I am currently relaxing and catching up on internet things. Tonight I am having chipotle for dinner, which is gonna be so awesome, cuz it'll be at the new one by my house that opened yesterday, thus opening a world where I can get chipotle whenever I want it (and I am willing to ride my bike notso/kinda far). And then there will be bones and fringe and big bang theory to watch when I get home tonight from band practice from 7-9. An overall awesome evening

Friday
I will be taking advantage of an empty house for a day, and waking up early(ish) so I can have the living room to myself to play video games, watch cartoons, and watch movies (depending on my mood). Then I plan on a lunch of potato skins (which I loooove), or ordering some pizza hut (cuz no one else likes it, but I, again, looooove it). Then once my dad gets home I will probably pick at my English commonplace book (which I'm cool with, cuz it's creative). Then we have a football game that I will get to spend time at until half time being with the band, then go home and do our usual family movie night. So a good day.

Saturday
I am going to do my homework, and all the annoying things that come with it. Then I will probably just have a normal Saturday at home like I normally do. Or perhaps I will bug for some driving time (on the road, in a car I feel safe in, unlike my dad's monstrosity of a sports car) and/or going out to buy Kat's bday present of epicness.

Sunday
This shall possibly be a day of going into Chicago, if I can manage to wear my dad down. Because even though it's the Chicago marathon day, which means things will be somewhat crazy, the race only passes by the magnificent mile near the begining. So things should be fine. And I really want to go to the beckoning of lovely meeting at 10:10 PM (on 10:10 =] ), because not only would the meeting be cool, but JOHN GREEN is there. I'd like to get a (some) signed book(s) very much. And possibly one for ashley since I sort of failed on the other book front *blush*

Monday
Day of rest and finishing homework. I plan on much video game playing. And then I don't know if I have jazz band. I shall ask though.

And that will be my awesome weekend. I promise many updates on its awesomeness this weekend (which means blogging every day this weekend... seeing as how I haven't done something so consecutive in a while).

Also, some good things from this week:

• Freedom from jazz band practice on Monday
• Got some good grades (and one terrible one *blushes again*)
• Appear to have made 2 new friends
• Talked to Corey sporadically (which is compared to nothing for two straight months)
• Got an ACT prep book (sounds not so good to you, but to me it's heaven) from my school
• Mom brought home belgium chocolate pudding from trader joe's (this is a godsend, and I worship it accordingly).

For y'all who shall at least be having a three day weekend (columbus was an idiot sailing west to get east and found a hunk of land day! HUZZAH!), do you have any interesting plans?

I shall be going now because there are some more interwebz things to do for a bit before I have to go to dinner and then band.

Have a wonderful remainder of Thursday,
Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek

PS: I use epic a lot, don't I?

Friends Make the World Go Round

I was reading Marissa's blog, because I woke up at 7:30 today, and the internet can be worn out very quickly when you're on before everyone is up. And I found wordle.

THIS IS THE COOLEST THING EVER!

I gave it the link to my blog, and it was like it had suddenly formulated me to perfection. It just knew who I was. And that was incredibly cool. I'm gonna be testing some of my word doccuments with it momentarily. Link here: http://www.wordle.net/show/wrdl/2515584/My_Blog

In other news, I talked to one of my best friends who is like my brother but not really and whatnot for the first time in months on skype. I knew I missed him, but man, you don't really realize these things until you're talking to them. It wasn't even that interesting of a conversation, it felt like we'd just talked yesterday, but I still realized how much I'd missed him. I think I made him stay up too late talking to me though. We were both basically falling asleep at the end of it.

The agenda for this weekend is a hectic one. Around one I'm going to be going to my friend's house so we can work on our history project. And then I have to get all of my homework (which is thankfully, virtually nothing) done today, because we have our first marching band competition Sunday (where I will get to see the band my first middle school feeds into as well =]) so there will be no time for such silly things as homework. But of course, tonight we're going out for dinner, which means we'll probably leave the house around four and go around the shops and whatnot. I actually need to stop at a toy store or video game store though, because my friend Kat's birthday is coming up, and I know EXACTLY what I'm getting her. There's no way she won't love it =)

And then, while I have never read the hunger games, my friend has, and she loves it, so unless she tells me otherwise I'm getting her a signed book since Suzanne Collins is going to be in Illinois on Monday. I won't be able to actually be there because of jazz band practice, but usually you can call a store and they'll get you a personalized autographed book that you can pick up later. I know she will love this as well. And since I'm going to be sending Kat something anyways, I'll probably just send both things together so I can save on shipping. Yay for economization!

Is economization even a word? It should be.

I'm gonna go take a shower and all that jazz, because I haven't done that since... 29 hours ago!

Laters,
Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek

PS: I'm gonna do supernote most definitely, but I don't know if I should be on the vlogbrothers', meekakitty's, or wheezywaiter's team. Leaning towards meekakitty a little bit.
PPS: Courtney, if you're reading this, I love you, because only you and I can have the first four texts in our conversation not actually be conversation.

The Crazy Weeks Are the Best Ones

Update on my life. Cuz this is a blog, and you do stuff like that on these.

Right, homecoming week was kind of crazy, but overall it was completely fun and awesome, and I will have memories of this week for a long time. However, I was also glad on Sunday to get my day of recovery from all the crazyness. Same goes for this week: looking forward to nothing crazier than band. And band craziness doesn't ever wear me out, so it's all good.

Yeah, I have jazz band tonight, we finished setting drill today, have an extra rehearsal Wednesday night, and go to our first competition this Sunday. If I didn't love band, I might kill myself from self induced stress. But luckily, I love band, even if I have to play trombone =P

Every once in a while, I forget why I tell people I want to be a band director. I almost feel like I've locked myself in. But then we have weeks where everything gets serious, and I really sit down to work, where it all clicks. I am a musician, and I want to share every little bit of knowledge I have to a future generation of band geeks. These are the weeks that tend to bring everyone else down, but I thrive on. In some ways, it makes me miss spring time in Hawaii (particularly freshman year), where you have lessons, and jazz band, and honor band, and youth symphony, and select band, and small ensemble, and end of year concerts sucking up almost every free moment of your life. I love the spring in that manner. It's like a musical rebirth.

I also love math, and writing. Which is why despite having a decent amount of homework to fit in before jazz band, and to have to do during Monday night tv, I don't feel stressed or angered or anything. I fell well enough to sit down and say, hey, things are going good.

Talk to me next week and I will probably be stressed again >_<

Now I'm gonna go, because the essay and the math await. But first I wanna ask if you have anything like band is for me? Where sometimes you forget why you love it, until it's all your life is and you remember why. I'm curious.

And that is it for now!
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek

PS: I have to write a commonplace assignment on Autumn that I think I might post here. So look for that sometime this week.
PPS: I'm reading Things Not Seen by Andrew Clements, it's absolutely amazing if you're looking for a book recommendation. (see: why I love getting 40% off coupons in my email).

A Home

Where is my home?

In a span of 15 years, I have lived in five different countries/states, seven towns, and eight different houses. How are you supposed to pick the one place to be your hometown when you have that many options. When I go to college, where am I supposed to say my hometown is?

If it's where I was first born, then I am native to Bremerton, WA, a place I can only ever remember being in when we visited friends who lived there when we lived in Washington the second time. If it is where I spent the most time living, it is Glenview. If it's where I had the largest group of close friends, it's Hawaii. If it's where I grew up, well I'm not even entirely sure I have even grown up yet.

My home can't be where my heart is either, because my heart is even more conflicted in location. I have friends in Japan, Hawaii, Washington, California, Texas, Georgia, Ohio, New Mexico, Illinois, North Carolina, Germany, England, and probably other places I'm not aware of.

My home can't be where my family is. Because then my home is Utah, California, Illinois, England, and Finland. And sure, you could go by where my parents are only, but I think that would be ignoring the fact that outside of my direct family, I have been blessed with a multitude of loving people.

I suppose in the end, I might as well just say my home is anywhere you could imagine I'd be. Imagine I could end up in South Korea? I could, or a friend could and take me with them. Maybe, in a sense, our hometown is not anywhere we have been yet, but the place we make our peace with the world and settle down into a community, while maintaining our connections around the world.

Maybe it'd just be simpler if I said I'm from Nerdfighteria xD
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek

Randomawesomesauce

Heeeeeey.

Haven't done one of these in a bit, and things told me it was time.

How are you?

I myself am pretty good.

I have a purple dress for homecoming. IT IS MADE OF AWESOME! I will post a piccy on Saturday with me wearing it. I told my date that it is the only picture he will ever get (see: doesn't like getting their picture taken, yet sits in front of a video camera far too frequently).

Do you like cookies? Here, have a cookie from my school's cafeteria *hands over most amazing cookie in the world that costs $1* Delicious, yes?

It just occured to me that I didn't tell you the kicker. I'm wearing sparkly pink shoes with my dress. Courtney (see: compared me to the gilmore girls and it completely made of awesome), was all like "NO WAY" (see: does not normally wear sparkles, or pink).

Speaking of pink, tomorrow is class color day, and that is the Junior class's color. I am wearing a tie die shirt that was originally blue and red (actually, it was originally covered in sigs from a theater group that came to my elementary school and did little orphan annie), but has mostly turned pink since then. Oh, if you're wondering, I've had the shirt since 2nd or 3rd grade, and it was tie dyed the summer after 4th grade. It used to be rather large on me, and it still is =)

Question: How do you dress up for superhero day if you own no superhero items? I was considering being mario, but then I realized I don't have any overalls, or a plunger that has not been used in a toilet or decapitated for musical purposes. Or a red hat.

Another Question: I write on my hand every day during my last class so that I grab all of the books I need from my locker everyday. Does anyone else do the same, or something simular? I don't mean using an assignment notebook, because I create this daily handwriting (see: punny) based on my assignment notebook.

So in conclusion, please answer the following questions in a comment (I said please because you don't have to. I don't yet know how to make the imperius curse work over the internet, so for now I'm going for politeness):
1) How are you?
2) Do you like cookies?
3) Delicious, yes?
4) What should I do for superhero day?
5) Do you handwrite? (again, see: punny)

~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek
PS: Link 1
PPS: Link 2

AAAAAHHH

Why am I writing this right now? I am an idiot super procrastinator!

No. But seriously, why I have no idea why I just opened this link, but obviously my hands were telling me I need to write something. AAAAAHHH

Ok, see, my school is stupid, and they're having a football game on a THURSDAY. So my call time for band is at six, and I will probably get home around ten. I also have to do an english worksheet (I may put this off until study hall tomorrow), some history (part of which may end up put off until my lunch tomorrow), and then I need to study for French (and when I said need, I meant need. If I don't study I will fail so badly). I did my math homework during history class. Most of it anyways. Two problems I need to look through my notes for.

So yes, I am here to tell you I am crazy panicked. I suppose my hands know that days like these are the ones you need to record, because they are the most filled with life. If only there was enough time for all that life!

Right, so I'm going.
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek

PS: For those in the know, I am doing it tonight. I wrote out two notes, and I will be standing there while it happens. *is extremely nervous*

Bravery

The things you can't measure tend to be the things that matter most.

In a lot of situations, I turn into chicken shit. There is a bee near me? First instinct is to stay still, second instinct is to run away as fast as possible. Unexpected thing suddenly touches me? Jump up in intense panic. Audition? Talk myself down, and become extremely nervous.

I don't mean to be this way, it just happens. Instinctively, my body goes for the flight of fight or flight response. My brain shuts down. For other people, these things are no big deal, just a fact of life, and they don't freak out. These are the people who in my mind, probably wouldn't flinch if they met a dragon on a walk through the city.

But does that make them brave?

I strongly believe that bravery finds its roots in fear. And no matter if you seem to be the person who could face down a dragon, we all have a breaking point where things scare us. Fear is human.

I could never face a dragon, but I think I can still be just as brave as someone who could face a dragon. The effort it takes that person to face a dragon, is quite possibly the effort it takes for me to face a bee. And no matter how insignificant your fear may be, the effort you put into overcoming it, that is how brave you are.

In some ways, I would even say I am far braver than the person who can face a dragon. Because how often are you going to face a dragon compared to a bee?

I am highly fearful, but I am brave.

I am Gryffindor.
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek

PS: Basically this is the first of four things I am going to do on how I belong in all of the four houses, and how really, houses don't matter, because everyone is everything. Basically I'm using Harry Potter to practice writing essays for English.

PPS: I'm getting my first essay back from English, and once I go through and edit it again, I will post it on here. It's about the internet and social networking from a more human perspective... I think... Whatever it's about, I think it will be good for posting after another edit.

The Moment

The ability to live in the moment is long gone.

I think this highly occurred to me because I’ve started driving. Because as I’m driving home (which is the only time thus far I get on the actual street), I realize that you can’t take a second to do anything while you do it. You have to focus on the road, focus on the cars, focus on the signs, and focus on the pedestrians. You can’t simply look over for a second when you see something interesting. There is no stopping to smell the roses. You’ve already driven past them by the time you’ve considered anything.

Outside of the realm of driving, you might be doing one thing, but your mind is wandering off, thinking of what you’re going to do, or reminiscing about something, or daydreaming, and you completely miss everything that’s just happened. Or maybe you paid attention, but a little piece of your mind still wasn’t entirely there.

I mean, it’s gotten to the point where a lot of families don’t even sit down to eat together. They scarf everything down in front of the tv, or everyone just goes off into their own worlds, or everyone just eats when they feel like it. Eating dinner with your family has to be one of the most exemplary ways to live in the moment. Delicious foods (or not so delicious ones) ensnare your senses; family members have a conversation without finding the need to talk over each other. People smile, and laugh, and love.

But then everything goes back to normal in a near instant, and family members drift into their own world away from the rest of the family. People do their own things, and go back to focusing on things they aren’t doing.

I think children, perhaps not this generation of children in particular, but children in general, they know how to stop and smell the roses. If something is interesting they go after it. When playing with friends, a child is ensnared in their imagination, not in the realm of tomorrow or yesterday. They forgive and forget with ease, because now is what matters.

Getting back to my separation of this generation of children from the rest. Earlier and earlier we are forced to grow up, and stop living in the moment. Second graders learn multiplication. Nine year olds have cell phones that they text on constantly. Gossip begins earlier, leading people away from the moment of reality. And it’s all disappearing.

It’s time to stop and smell the roses. It’s time to bring back the moment. It’s time to relax. It’s time get away from the technology draining our life away. It’s time to focus on our loved ones.

It’s time to live again.
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek

PS: Slightly related to the begining, a bird pooped on me through the window while I was driving. It's just my luck really.

Food and Homecoming.

I did all of my homework and cleaned my room before noon yesterday (saturday), leading to me having no idea what to do with myself. I mean, I still have some studying to do, but I basically have been free for 24 hours. It's simply amazing.

So yesterday we drove down to Chicago, and on the way back I realized that my school is right by this BP/McDonalds Combo that is right next to a Culver's. This is way awesome, because it increases my things to do after school with friends from just little ceasers, starbucks, baskin robins, and soon to be Chipotle (although I am SUPER excited about chipotle. No longer will there be driving for a half hour to get to my love <3 href="http://insanity-is-i.livejournal.com/2509.html">ode to burrito bowl, it's on my old livejournal]). So because of this relevation, I think that after school Friday I will find someone to hang out with at culver's before the game, and eat chili cheese fries and ice cream! (I've never tried chili cheese fries with ice cream, but I've dipped cheese fries into a malt at Johnny Rocket's. SO GOOD).

Oh, and homecoming is in two weeks, and I am going this time! Freshman year my friends and I figured it was a waste of money, and I think that as freshmen, it would have been. Sophomore year we had a band competition the same day. But this year I am going! And I might be bringing Maddy as my "date", she hasn't been to a homecoming yet either. But if not I'm pretty sure my freshmen friends are going, so I'd go with them. One of my friends was trying to tell me that guys ask random girls to these dances all the time (cuz he asked me if anyone had asked me, and I told him that considering he knew all the guys I knew, he would know), which is completely absurd to me, because this has never been my experience, has anyone else seen this?

But going to homecoming means buying my first formal anything ever. Because I've never been to a wedding, my middle school graduation was casual dress, and my previous high school only had Homecoming and Prom. So this will be an experience. My parents are teasing me about all of this as well. Yes yes, I'm growing up, and will leave you in two years, but really, I'd think you'd be happier with the fact that you won't have any kids in the house once you're 36 and 38. I don't think that's anything that happens that often.

Now I am going to go, because while I may have been in super work mode yesterday morning, I have yet to take a shower today, and I think I need one. And I probably should study.
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek

Oh Wow

I'm totally getting that feeling of falling. That wonderful, amazing, and terrifying feeling of falling. And I've never had it like this before. Oh wow.

I'm not gonna go anymore specific on that.

Other topics!

I'm trying to work on this whole motivation thing. I love being online and doing online things, but then I don't put that much effort into it. I think I could be semi-viable internet wise if I worked on that. I mean, I like making vlogs, and blogs, and writing fanfiction, and twittering, but it's all disconnected, and my effort is all off. One day I'll start a fanfiction with a ton of glorious plans, and never do anything more than write and post that first chapter. I got a camera for my birthday, and I've edited and posted a few sporadic vlogs, but that's not really doing anything. On this blog, I post a fair amount, but then it's usually just a life update, and I know I have so much more to talk about. I'm bright, and spirited, and I know I can do better. Twittering, I do it, none of my friends do it excluding one, so realistically I should make it a place to maintain friendships I make with people I meet online, but instead I use it to stalk Maureen Johnson. Oh yeah.

Also, motivation issues elsewhere in my life. History, I just don't care about European history now that I'm actually taking it, and I wish that I hadn't decided to take it. I want to either be a writer or a high school band director (I know this will work best if I get the degree in music education, and just keep writing). I have less than a year and a half to get ready for auditions, so I should really be practicing at least an hour a day, probably two if I really want to be competitive, and I do. Writing, I have two stories relatively planned, in my head, ready to go. One I sat down maybe three times to write spanning from an hour to three hours, and have slightly above 2,000 words on, but I really could have more. The other story hasn't even touched (e?)paper yet. I wanna be more fit, and decide I'd prefer that extra half hour of sleep.

I don't know how to get motivated at all. I always start things and never finish them. I know what I'm good at, and I don't work to get better. The lazy get left behind. I am the lazy.

This. Needs. To. Stop.

However, I am weak, or at least not good. I need help with this. Serious help, or I will get nowhere. So I'm asking for advice, and to be annoying and stuff if you can for me, because that would be amazingly helpful.

Also, to start on this internet connection thing: http://twitter.com/oceansurferg That is my twitter. Idk if you can do a message when you request to follow, but if not then just somehow get the word "yodel" across to me within a week or I will delete you.

Oh, and in less substantial news. I have been reading a lot. School gives me a lot of time to do that (particularly physics where I am so bored it's sad). But I need to recommend the book If I Stay by Gayle Forman for anyone musical in any way. If you sing, or rock out, or play the tuba ( =] ) or just really love and are amazed by music, this is an absolutely tragic book I want you to read. It speaks to the souls of music folk (nerd points if you get the reference).

I suppose this is a brownie point towards better blogging?
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek

PS: Kaleidoscope Heart by Sara Bareilles is coming out tomorrow, and I probably won't be able to buy the cd until the begining of october, but I am so excited. I've been listening to King of Anything over and over again in preparation.

Absolutely Scrap Week

Ah, so I have neglected this thingymabobber.

NOT ANYMORE!

Actually, still more, but you know... For today I won't be!

I've been completely overloaded with homework since for almost two weeks, until yesterday where I only had math homework. And since I had drivers' ed study hall for today, I didn't do it. I was sleeping instead (more later). But then today, I came home, and found I have almost no homework again. I mean, a bit more, because I technically need to be studying English because we got about 30 new vocab today that we will be tested on the monday after labor day.

So yesterday, I was absolutely sick. I was so pathetic, that I had to wear my jacket all day, because I kept going from being oh my god hot, to freezing cold. And so in French I didn't understand anything we did that day, could barely pay attention in drivers' ed, then I magically felt better for math and English, but then band I started to feel like crap again. By the time it was history, I felt so bad that I ended up bombing my History test. So when I eventually got home, I was just being sick in my parent's room with their tv, then falling asleep for a bit in my room, eating, then going to bed for the night around seven.

Now onto today: today was freezing. That is all I think I will remember about today besides band. Absolutely freezing. And I am wearing a skirt, because I'm out of pants, which really dosen't help whatsoever. And then the other highlight of today has been band. See, tonight is our first home game, and the band's first preformance, and we FAILED at marching our second song. EPIC FAILURE. But things got fixed, and hopefully will stick. No, but my friend and I are kinda mad cuz we specifically got yelled at a lot. Him because having not been here the day we learned the charts, he's still trying to get things down. Then I am one of the people who is supposed to lead us off the field and no one explained it properly, so I just looked like a complete idiot for something that WASN'T MY FAULT. Then I accidentally left my binder outside and someone stole it. Because of this, I bought myself the $2 pudding my school has. It was completely worth it, because that just sucked, and I needed a pick me up.

I think the main issue, is they pushed everything way too fast. We've known our charts for Vehicle only two days of marching, and they got mad at us for not having everything down. Unlike my old school, absolutely no time is spent working on music in any way that helps at all. I miss having the Marine band over to help us out all the time, they worked miracles. And then I hate how we've only had about three weeks to work on all this, and we're marching already. My old school worked for almost two months before our first show for the same amount to be preformed. And I don't like marching with a lyre, because I'm getting to reliant on it, where as at my old school we would have had every bit memorized. It's all just insane here.

So yeah, I have to be at school in about an hour. I can't *wait* for my doom.

(If you didn't notice, sarcasm was heavily implied. Don't worry, I'm not insane).
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek

PS: After this I get to write a blog post to my friend. My life is a blog blogger!

Should not be writing this

So, I really shouldn't be writing this right now, because in two hours and ten minutes I need to be at the band room for Jazz band auditions. And before auditions, I need to do my math at the very least, hopefully read some history, and practice a bit, because I haven't looked at the audition music at ALL. You know, I totally blame Nathan and David (mostly David, he was the instigator), for making me do this, because I had decided that since I hadn't practiced and I was kinda busy anyway that I wasn't going to do it, but they bullied me. So now I'm going.

Tomorrow = getting picked up by my dad right after school (ie: I need to pack my bag before eight period, and just bring my 8th period stuff with me), and we are going to go get me a new social security card so that I can get my permit. YAY for permit, because I have been waiting about three months for this since I was supposed to get mine in June. But yeah, this is all the crazyness I have to deal with today and tomorrow.

Hopefully wednesday will be calm, but then I have a math test, and we're starting our book in English. And thursday I have both a history test, and my final summer essay due in english. And it's all just augh!

But yeah, I need to go do my calc work or I will drown.
~Jess the nerdfighting bandgeek

PS: I just wrote that in 5 minutes, oh yeah!

I want pancakes, so I'm gonna go get some

So.... Hi!

On friday, I rewrote an essay for English. And when I say rewrote, I mean, it has only a vague resemblance, if any at all to the previous essay. I was apparently writing essays very wrong. But I have fixed it! And now it is me in almost a rant mode, droning on about how the internet has changed, but I will still love it all the same <3 The previous essay was about keeping friends as a military brat. And yes, there are a few vague connections! I SWEAR!

I noticed that on friends they keep using this same transition clip, where two women carry their babies past Central Perk, and a police officer goes the other way. And every time I see it I just stare, like this ---> O.O Since school started I haven't been watching friends so much, but I hope I finish it. Because I have a list of tv shows to watch, but my rule is to finish one before the other, and I hate breaking rules. I have a fear of the law... even if I am the law.

Oh, my hair is short now. It no longer is ANYWHERE near my back. It's maybe an inch past my shoulders. And oh my god! I never noticed how much I played with my hair before, but I keep instinctively reaching my hand behind my back and attempt to grip hair that isn't there anymore. But the prettyness of it is very much worth it. I LIKE it.

Now, it's 9:30, and I really want pancakes, so I'm going to go downstairs to see if I can convince anyone they should make some.

Toodles
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek

PS: @marissa, that might work. My concern is more about how to relay le informations without something bad happening. My other thought was to just talk through neomail (totally cheesy), since that information will not result in spams. No matter how much I like spam as a food, it just doesn't sit well in my email.

A List of Awesome

People die all the time. But rarely are they as awesome as Esther. I didn't know her, but she meant a lot to a lot of Nerdfighteria. And so I am going to dedicate this post to her. RIP Esther.

A List of Things for When Your Day is Feeling Notsome

• Blow bubbles
• Draw with chalk, or crayons, or something else relatively childish.
• Eat junk food. My personal preferences are frozen TGI Fridays appetizers, and Ben and Jerry's ice-cream.
• Jump on a trampoline (perhaps a mini trampoline like maureen johnson has? =] )
• Read a good book/fanfiction or watch a good movie
• Read a cheesy book/fanfiction or watch a cheesy movie, and laugh at the cheesyness
• Hug a teddy bear, or other close personal stuffed animal.
• Jump rope
• Go to a playground, and be a child (which means having fun like one, and begging your mommy for money for the ice cream man)
• Dress in your PJ's all day (comfort is nice)
• Or perhaps dress up in halloween costumes (silly is fun)
• Play neopets, or a similarly addicting site
• Indulge in your guilty pleasure (ex: I would read me some good ol' twilight, or watch secret life).
• Hang out with your friends
• Have intellectual debates on silly things with your friends (the oh so important Zombies Vs Unicorn debate!)
• Watch youtube (the punishments are good to watch from the vlogbrothers)
• Remember that for every notsome day, there are over 5 awesome days

Have a shower to take, and some reading to do before I go to sleep!
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek

PS: @Marisa, I am really interested in having a one on one conversation with you! We appear to have many of the same interests, and I like your blog, it is a totally awesomesauce type of random. However google doesn't make this so easy, so if you're interested comment and maybe we could figure something out?

Reading, Reading, READING

Reading. So much reading. I am like the reading zombie.

Let's see a tally of all I have read/will read today:

• Finished Devilish (it was wonderful, and I want to read suite scarlet, but I must read the hunger games series first)
• 35 Pages of my textbook Ancient Rhetoric for English (it was interesting, but all the greek and latin has been confusing)
• Nine pages of A History of Western Society (still to be read)
• Four pages from Sources of the Western Tradition (it's a passage called the Prince, written by Niccolo Machiavelli), also attatched to this is to draw a picture based on a quote, that I will likely do during lunch tomorrow, because due to the freshmen I get an extra 30 mins tomorrow (and I normally just read while I eat anyways)

Oh yeah, today was/is a day of reading. At the very least though, I know the Western Society reading should be simple enough. And the same for the Prince (if I even read it tonight).

And of course, today, I forgot my wallet at home. This being after yesterday we went to wallmart to pull out cash so that I could eat lunch. Luckily, I had some cookies in my bag, and I ate those to tide me over until I got home. I've set an alarm on my phone: "REMEMBER WALLET" (I did this the last time I had to print something, and it is very effective). I also managed to oversleep by a half hour today, meaning I had to skip a shower, and left about five minutes later than I normally do for the bus. I'm gonna take my shower tonight just to be sure I don't do it again.

I dunno what I will be doing on the bus now that I've finished devilish, but don't have the hunger games yet. Will probably just end up reading "A Briefer History of Time" since my dad dug it out for me. I hate my physics class so far, and I probably will continue, because it seems so obvious at this point that I will be bored out of my mind. I mean, I like physics stuff. But I'm in the regular class, and keep finishing everything so fast that I have enough time to read a fair amount.

Oh, and the best thing about yesterday. My favorite fanfiction EVER, Once There Was A Darkness, was updated yesterday after a near two year hiatus. I squealed, which is a rarity for me. The author was one of the first fanfiction writers I ever read, and I found her again about six months later on a different site, and decided that this series looked interesting. I love it so much. I tend to hate Hogwarts era stories, but then my favorite fanfictions are almost all ones that explore that era well. For example, one of my other favorite stories is In the Words of Ginevra Molly Potter, which is an exploration of the entire series from Ginny's POV, without ever touching cannon, and in some cases elaborating. OTWAD does the same, but with a unique character, adding huge amounts of depth to everything and I love it.

Quite obviously, I recommend that if you read fanfiction and you haven't read this yet, to go to HPFF and read it. Maybe you won't love it like I do, but if you don't even like it, there will be a chance of me hunting you down with a pitchfork. Small chance, but a very real small chance.

Now I am going to go, and take a shower, then read my history stuffs.
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek

My bed is hot

I totally can't sleep.

Like, I can feel the tired slipping in. It's there, no question. But my god, my bed is HOT. I wish I had a ceiling fan in my room. Or really any fan. I could just aim it at my bed. Maybe I could put ice cubes under my back. Goddam sweat. How am I supposed to compete with a bed that doesn't even want me to sleep in it?

I'm reading a fanfiction right now. It's twilight, which I know is kinda bad. I don't even like twilight anymore since breaking dawn. I mean, I used to be obsessed, but then I grew up, and went back to my first love harry potter. However, I love Claire/Quill fanfiction. I know a lot of people have issues with it, but I completely understand it. And I like following the scheme from protector, to friend, to lover. I can't understand Nessie/Jacob though. I don't care what she looks like, or how smart she is. By the time there will be physical attraction, she will be SEVEN. I don't care how smart you are, before you date someone perpetually in their twenties, I want you to have spent at least twice that amount of time on this earth.

I wonder what other guilty pleasures I have. I mean, there's twilight obviously. And definitely secret life of the american teenager. And iCarly... or really anything Dan Schnieder. He's really good at making parental bonuses. And I suppose myspace as well... Although I'm kinda phasing out of that. I checked mine for the first time today in four days. And I think I'm also almost over facebook. Almost though, because none of my friends will switch to twitter. I'm currently in love with twitter. My day is spent waiting for my cell phone to announce that I have a text, because more likely than not, it's a tweet from Maureen Johnson, and she really brightens up my day.

I'm still not tired, and my bed, and my body, is hotter than ever (heat wise). Perhaps a trip to the loo, and a class of water to cool down. Yes, I think this is highly necessary, because it is almost one, and I have to get up at six.

Stupid school.

Ah, whatever. I'm off into the sunset!
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek

PS: What are your guilty pleasures?

Lemon

Helllloooo

So I've basically given up on the whole beda thing. School stress, and beda stress, and previous friendship stress is too much stress. So I will just blog as often as possible instead of beda for the rest of August, because I cannot take the pressure.

I'm kinda bummed out, because I am not getting a hair cut today, because dad went to ikea instead in the morning, and nowhere is open past four, and it's three, and three is a bit late for a walk in appointment. So now I must deal with hair that is far too long for at least another 24 hours. I just want it to be short, because it's just turning into to much to deal with it this long.

I suppose I can forgive my dad for going to ikea though, because he brought me back lemon singoalla cookies, which are AMAZING. I love singoalla cookies, and I had no idea there were lemon ones. I love the smell of lemon. Not sure if I've mentioned it here before, but I used to go into william senoma every time I went to the mall, just to use the tester lemon smelling lotion. Eventually, I had Courtney get me some for christmas, and I use it when I really need a pick me up, or want to smell nice. I also like lemon flavored cake, and lemon skittles, and lemon starbursts. Actual lemons, however, are too sour, and I don't like lemonade.

I think instead of figuring out how to get cash before tomorrow, I will probably just be bringing a bag lunch. I *am* going to have leftover steak after dinner after all. Leftover steak is yummy. Especially when it's daddy's steak, because I love his steak.

Walked away from this for a bit. Time for posting!
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek

Relaxation

Okay! It's friday, I've got all of tomorrow to do my homework, the time of cheating has passed. Whew.

Yeah, basically, through a lack of doing any summer work properly, if at all, then being slightly behind in some subjects because Hawaii has different standards, has meant I've been a bit overworked this week. Basically, I've been getting home, watching my youtube and catching up on things I subscribe to, falling asleep somewhere inbetween, getting woken up at dinner, and doing my homework. I think my only truly free time I've had all week has been today on the bus to and from school, which I put towards reading Devilish by Maureen Johnson. So I cheated. I'm okay with it.

Tonight is my night to de-stress. Tomorrow is the day to do homework, and march a parade, and Sunday is going to be a complete day of rest. I refuse to do anything other than lie in my bed like a sloth. I think it's only fair. And tonight my dad is making steak. I haven't had a proper steak in ages, by which I mean that I haven't had any steaks from my dad since May, and his steaks are a staple of this family, as well as absolutely delicious. I'm quite excited, and feel no guilt over the cow that made this dinner possible. I also think I need a bath tonight. Just a quiet bath with no electronic distractions, smelly soap and a good book. Maybe with some ice cream as well (what can I say? I bathe in style).

Oh, and the house is going to be empty tomorrow, because my parents are going to ikea, but I'm staying home because otherwise I might not have been back in time for the parade. I like the house empty, and a nice quiet house to do homework will be, well, nice. Maybe I can make some brownies or popcorn or both.

I now realize that I am basically fantasizing about relaxing this weekend. If you were me you would be too.

Gonna either do some TV Tropes reading, take a nap, or finish my math hw, now that I have a calc.
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek

Cheater

Can I cheat today? I know I basically cheated the past few days with really short posts, but with school starting, this is taking a backseat to my relaxing. I promise friday night I will have something good. Until then though, I'm cheating.
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek

WorkModeFail

Hello!

So I am about to become work mode jessamyn and do all of my AP Euro work, but unfortunately, my laptop is being mean, and has made the space and delete bar stop working, so I have to keep pasting in a space. AUGH!

I will still work though, because I have transformed into work mode jessamyn, but this is going to be very annoying when I have to go back and paste all of the spaces.

Wish me luck!
~Jess the (annoyed) Nerdfighting BandGeek

Schooooool Tomorrow

Wow, so I was paniced about homework. And then the light shined down, and fate told me that I only had one essay due tomorrow for English. Then Wednesday all of my Euro stuff is due, and Thursday the rest of my English is due. I'm picking at my Euro right now, but overall I am completely relieved.

So yes, tomorrow is my first day of school tomorrow. I have no idea if people bring their backpacks to class or keep them in their locker. I don't know where my first class is (although once I find my locker things should be pretty easy to figure out). I also promised Kat that I will wear the gryffindor jacket that I met her because of (see story in post script), so I am wearing that and a yellow dress, because I like my yellow dress. I don't like shorts, and I'm going to die in a jacket and jeans for a day, so I'm wearing my dress. Purple chucks, yellow dress, and Gryffindor jacket. I am a dork.

Well I am going to go. It's time to watch my last episodes of friends this summer break. And then sleep. Six is too early to wake up >_<

Goodnight!
Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek

PS: Basically, the jacket was originally Kat's. She gave it to me when I moved. See, I met her because I'd been noticing her jacket all day, because she was in most of my classes. Finally, in the last class (math class), I see her sit down, so I sit down next to her. After a moment, I ask her if she liked Harry Potter. The rest is history. But now it is my time to carry the torch, and I will do so honorably. Even in a yellow dress and purple chucks.

=)

My dad got here today =)

I'm going to let that stand on its own
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek

Today, and the Future

Oh my. So yesterday I just felt like crap. And today I didn't end up feeling at all like that, but things were a little crazy today.

First, we found out that my dad will be getting here about a day and a half earlier. And for a bit, we even thought he would be getting here tonight. Now I love my dad, but he can be a little crazy about how my mom and I keep the house, so there was that panic freak out as we attempted to clean. Then we figured out there was no way he could get here so quickly, and the panic faded.

Later on, I was showing my mom the live tweets from this incredibly nerdy wedding that Maureen Johnson was presiding over, which led to my mom learning about nerdfighteria, then asking what paper towns was about (my dad read it before), and so I think she might be reading that. Although, she said she'd read harry potter, liked it, and then stopped. I'm still a bit mad at her for that. Also, my mother completely approves if I when I get married, the wedding cake has mario and princess peach. I also discovered that my dad and mom got married wearing "dressy" Doc Martins and just a dress shirt (ie: no tux), and flowy pants respectively. People wonder how I turned out so strange, but they never seem to put my mom and my dad together when they think of me. Instead they see them as separate individuals in relation to me, and wonder how I got so weird.

Oh, and my mom pointed out the fact that we actually can fit a christmas tree in our house. For the first time in three years, there will not be a christmas air purifier! I know it's a bit far off to be thinking of, but we're mostly thinking of this in relation to the fact that my aunt and her boyfriend are coming for thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is always fun with them, because my aunt knits, reads and she's the one I talk to most. And then her boyfriend is British, which makes it a bit funny. Oh, and then my dad has someone to talk computer nerd with (I may be computer nerd to an extent, but not like these two).

And I know this post is already getting a bit long, but yesterday Kristina (ALL CAPS, and The Parselmouths) talked about where she sees herself in five and ten years respectively, so I thought that would be fun to talk about.

In five years: In five years I will be 20, and starting my senior year of college somewhere. Which is a bit crazy to think about. Due to skipping a grade, I will only have been able to legally drink for 2 to 3 months until graduation. I don't really feel young anymore after two and a half years of being ahead a year, but that certainly makes me feel young.

I really don't have any clue what I will be majoring in. I suppose I need to figure out soon, at the very least between music education and anything else. Because to get into the music program I need to audition. It just seems so hard. I've been telling people since I was in sixth grade that I wanted to be a band director, and for a very long time before that it was that I wanted to be a teacher. Either way, I've highly classified myself, which makes me feel stuck. I don't know if I want to be a band director, or a French teacher, or a writer, or if by being an undecided major for a while, I might find out something that I can be amazing at.

In ten years: In ten years I will be 25, and graduated for four years. Judging by the fact that I don't know what my major will be, I think it's obvious that I don't know what I'll be doing job wise. I might be in a serious relationship, or married, but that's a bit more towards the unlikely side. I mean, not crazy unlikely, but definitely towards that side. I hope that I'll still be in contact with my close friends from Hawaii. I'm making that one of my major efforts right now, and I really would like that to work out, because they all have different things about them that make them amazingly awesome, and I love them so much <3

That's about all,
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek

Meh

I'm having a very Meh day.

I've got a headache, had to have poptarts and chips for lunch. But then I'm watching friends, and after so much freaking Ross Rachel drama, I finally get to see Monica and Chandler. And I also made it to 100,000 neopoints.

And then I keep telling myself to do my homework, but I think the plan now is to do it in my 11 to 12 void that always happens because megavideo cuts things off. At the very least, I will be reading Leave my heart at wounded knee.

That's really it for today, so I guess see you tomorrow, where hopefully the summer/beda doldrums will be less doldrummy
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek

A 1 am rant about the lack of usable office supplies

I am posting very early in the morning for this one, but if it comes down to me feeling a little off about it, I'll just post later today after I go to bed and get a night of sleep.

I heavily rely on my student planners. The act of writing things down, then numbering them by importance, even when sometimes I really don't need it, kept me sane last year while I was drowning, because at least I knew what I would have to do to stop. Every year since the fourth grade, all the schools I went to gave me one. But I'm really unsure if my new school will be issuing them, so I've gone on the prowl.

You would not believe how insanely hard it is to find something of quality. For one, I need a *student* planner. Not something that comes in fancy fake leather with undated sheets that go into a binder type thing on the inside. That's too much work for me, and in the end, I would probably stop using it. Now, since I'm the one buying it, I'm looking for something that is much more similar to my elementary and middle school planners. They were full sized spirals, with subjects marked on the side, and then a few extra subject spaces for electives. And on a few occasions I was managing to find things like this, that were meant to be bought in bulk, with you designing the cover with you school logo.

I've found something on amazon that I don't need to buy in bulk, is cheap, and fits my qualifications well. However, I would prefer to be shopping in a store like office max, or target, because that's the type of person I am. So I'm prowling their websites so that I might be able to just go to the store and avoid having to buy it off amazon. If only I were that lucky, because I am finding nothing.

In more office supply news, I am finding it really hard to find the clipboard I'm looking for. It's not a specific brand or anything like that, I just want one that is plastic, and has a compartment. I know a few people that have clipboards like that, and I really want one, because I know I would use it. I get sick of writing on top of text books and folders, and then I can keep my homework in one place, instead of scattered about like everything usually ends up. I mean, I always know where it is, but everyone else thinks I'm crazy to be keeping track of ten papers in ten different places.

I may seem crazy, needing specific office supplies. This is only a small bit of it, I mean, I will only use one mechanical pencil from papermate that is incredibly awesome, and I can never use those really cheap pens. And despite the fact that there is no getting out of buying a graphing calculator next year, I prefer to use my solar powered scientific calculator, that doesn't save anything that you've done or anything like that. I like graphing things by hand instead of sticking them into a calculator, and I'm positive I come out better for it. Whenever I have binders, ones for specific subjects have to be one inch binders in all different colors, and ones for everything (put in homework, or just sometimes things that shouldn't go in a subject binder) have to have zippers. Although the zipper binders are pointless half the time, because I just end up sticking folders inside of them. I hate binder tabs, and bulky normal binders. I always have to bring more than two bags to school, one is a backpack for for folders to be carried around, and occasionally books. The other one is a shoulder bag for personal items, and pens and pencils, and just random things, that can also become a bag full of homework supplies, when I have the opportunity to go somewhere after school to eat and stuff before coming back to school for band practice or something simular.

Spirals can be whatever, just as long as they are easily made to be ripped out without taking the spirally end along (not that I ever manage it).

I dunno, I get frenzied about school supplies, and I make far too many systems that don't need to be there.

I'm going to go, because it's about to be 2 am, and I'm a bit thirsty and definitely tired.
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek

A Linky Life

Today, I came up with the idea to explain my day with links. I'm browsing through my history right now, and I'm going to put down the websites I went to down below, mostly in order, to sort of give you an understanding of my day, and to perhaps show you how much the internet is ingrained in my life.

Yahoo
Facebook
Fanfiction
HPFF Favorites Page
Google: Watch Friends
XKCD
Google: Ball Pit
Maureen Johnson's Twitter
Kristina's Blog
Google: All Caps
Hayley's Blog
Hawaiian Outcasts Blog
Neopets Daily Clickables
Neopets Games
Pizza Hut
Google: 224-856-5015
Thirteen Reasons Why
Postal Service Location Search
Dan Brown Video
Wheezy Waiter Video
SxePhil video
Borders Store Locator
Blogger Homepage

Now obviously, this isn't everything I've been on up to this point, but there are the major bullets of what I've done so far today, and excluding the fact that I walked my dog today (which I don't normally do), everything I did has been represented in my internet history. So if you really wanna figure someone out, get onto their history.

In other news, last night after I was doing my slave labor I wrote 1,500 words of the original story that I've been working on. And I think I got more backstory to my main characters by just writing instead of planning. I mean, the planning is good, because I have an idea of where things are going, which I've never had before, but I could never get a clear picture of the first girl I was writing about. I sent the story off to my friend kat to read, and she got through the first page out of four last night, so I dunno if she's finished it, but I'm excited to hear what she says.

Also, I would like to defend some of the things Courtney said about me. I mean, most of what she said was quite wonderful, I particularly enjoyed the Gilmore Girls comparison, because I never thought of my talking speed that way. But, I would like clarify, that 1) I was thinking grade when I said school, and 2) The slappy was me being so tired that I didn't realized I'd slurred out that instead of slap happy. However, I'm quite glad for it, as it is now a part of my regular vocabulary.

I'm going to go, because I have more friends to watch and neopoints to earn. (And starting tomorrow, homework to do [I'm quite serious, I've got less than a week!])
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek

PS: If you can, please comment on the post from yesterday, or Courtney's Hawaiian Outcasts post from yesterday and tell her that she needs to start her own blog. I want to see what she says when she isn't directly talking to me. Thank you!

About Jess the Nerdfighting Pumpkin

Hello,

I am one of Jess's best friends and today she asked me to write on her blog today, while she doing slave work, aka cleaning and organizing her room. I am going to attempt to explain a little bit about my friend.

I first saw Jess in 8th grade during band class in the middle of the school year when our band teacher introduced a new tuba player who was female and had an odd name. I later realized that she was also put into my algebra class. Apparently Jess had skipped a grade in the middle of the year. She became friends with one of my friends and was often seen in our group. I didnt really know her very well that first year. I had thought that she was a little weird as she hardly ever talked and when she did it was about this strange thing called fanfiction.

We became closer friends in the summer between middle school and high school. We, along with our friend Ashley, took summer PE so that we wouldn't have to do it during the school year and we could take an extra course. So that summer we bonded over perverted jokes, book conversations, card games such as spoons, and marching band practice.

In ninth grade we had our geometry and english classes, we went to the midnight premiere of Breaking Dawn, both found the book to be a severe disappointment, went to go see Twilight, got pissed when the Half Blood Prince release date was moved from November to July, and by Christmas she had me addicted to fanfiction just as much as she was.

In tenth grade we had band, english, algebra 2, and AP US History together and we sat next together in most of them. It was a pretty great year until i moved in the middle of march. So in remedy of me moving we started the Hawaiian Outcast blog.


Any way, Jessamyn, though she has a dark hair color, can be very blonde sometimes. Almost as blonde as me, which is saying something cos that is my natural hair color and people tell me that it suits my personality. My favorite Jess blonde stories are...

~ In ninth grade she was talking to our friend Kat and told her that she was always going to be the youngest person in the school, seeing as she skipped a year ahead, Kat said in reply, " Jessamyn, we are getting new freshmen next year.

~ One day Jess and I went shopping at this mall in Honolulu. We went to look at one of the maps they had and Jessamyn searched the map with a confused look on her face. She asked out loud where the english was. I had to explain that she picked up the Japanese map.

~ This one i dont know if it was just Jess being blonde or the fact that she was sleep deprived but one time while i was spending the night at her house we both hadnt slept well the night before and were hyper and laughing for no apparent reason. Jessamyn informed me that she was "slappy" instead of saying she was slaphappy.

Jessamyn is also pretty quickwitted and she talkes really fast, she could have been on gilmore girls. She's also very random as you can tell by reading her blog, i mean who else but a random person could come up with the crazy cat lady story. We were going to write a fanfiction together, with her writing the first chapter then i the second and so on and so forth, but she never finished the first chapter. I asked her when she was going to finish it and in that gilmore fast talk she told me that she would finish it in ten years and then send it through the mail and that when i would receive it i would look at it and wonder, Dude who get's mail anymore.

Well that's all folks

Courtney other nerdfighting bandgeek minus the nerdfighting.

Procrastination Station

I made a video while making mac and cheese for my collab blog with my friend Courtney. I can quite easily say that it is the most neurotic I've ever come off in a video. If only it was the truth for real life *sigh*

I have the following projects that I have to get done in a week, or planned on getting done in a week, that quite obviously show, I have no sense of how much time is in a week.

• Clean up my room (ie take everything out of room, organize and bring back into room after moving furniture).
• Organize my books (for my sanity, because no matter what, they have to end up on the shelves)
• Read two books for English, then write an essay and answer some questions
• Read a chapter of AP Euro, answer questions, do timeline, and maybe essay

Now, it doesn't seem like too much. I could do the first two in a day, the third in two days, and the fourth in one or two days. However, then you must take into the insane procrastination inside of me. Because my insane procrastinator would like to do the following:

• Work on Ella
• Work on original story
• Earn neopoints
• Watch youtube
• Watch Friends
• Have phone convos with friends that last about 2 hours
  
• Sleep in until 2 (although courtney has thankfully prevented this frequently by calling me at about 11:30 every day)

Now, I've been following the pattern of the procrastinator a lot lately. And I've always been relatively good with procrastination (excluding english last year, because I saw no reason to care). I know how to push the Envelope right up until the deadline and make it through with a solid status. But I can't really do that with these things, because there isn't times like at school where I could be procrastinating and at the same time working. It just can't work that way for me, and this year I've been saying I'm all about getting things done early like in 7th grade. But I'm not doing that. I don't know how to stop. In fact, I'm good enough at procrastinating in some ways, that I can make an illusion of getting things done for anyone else that cares. But in the end there's a deadline that you just can't ignore looming over you.

Now, after that spiel, you'd think I'd be off to do some real work. But I plan on playing some neopets until I can watch more friends. I'll work on things tomorrow...
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek

PS: A great quote from a great author: "I love deadlines. I love the whooshing sound they make as they pass by"... Perhaps finishing Hitchhiker should also have been something on my procrastination list.

Not so good day, but maybe skype convo will cheer it up

So apparently yesterday WAS the day for writing. Just not the day for writing my original story. I ended up writing the prequel to a Fringe story I've had in my head for a while. So now I've ended up roping myself into that (because now that it's started the plot bunnies are multiplying like... bunnies).

I can honestly say that I really don't want to be writing a blog right now. Normally I sit down, and I have something that I really want to say, or I can talk about how I had a good day goofing off. But today I just dealt with some things that have been piling up. Namely: my room. And also some emotional distress I'm currently in. It's always fun to cry and scream at things that you really wish you didn't have to be putting away and could magically put themselves away. Oh, and then my desk can't fit in my room. But it's ok, since I didn't use it much, preferring my bed or the couch. And while my desk can't fit in here, another bookshelf can, so I will hopefully have space for all of my books. Or at the very least be able to put the stuff that was on my desk somewhere instead of having to find room for a hundred different coloring utensils (among other things) in her office.

So I'm going to go, because I've discovered just how vast the shipping war is for iCarly fans, and how Dan Schneider fuels it (thank you tv tropes!). I also need to finish up rewriting my woefully outdated fanfiction profile before a skype call with a friend tonight.

Hope your day was better than mine!
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek

PS: I commented back you guys who commented yesterday, and will probably do so again for other comments, so check for that!
PPS: I just remembered something else that's making my day suck, my mom broke the temp knob on our oven, so that means I am basically stuck with leftovers and mac and cheese until we replace it, and also that I didn't get to have my favorite cheesy potatoes for dinner =/

My room, writing, and cats.

I think my chances are extremely good to get out of working on my room today. I know that my mom was up earlier, but she's asleep again, and when she naps, it's for about three hours. And usually when she sleeps all day she sleeps all day the next day. So yay for avoiding cleaning my room!

Today might be a writing day. I mean, I want it to be a writing day, but it does not feel like a writing day. Even if my mom sleeps all day and never leaves her room, I'll still have that issue of not having the house to myself. I don't know why that's an issue, but it means that if I were to ever become a writer (highly unlikely, being a band geek way more than a writing person), I would have to get an apartment all to myself and only go outside on special occasions once a week, that will be known as Jewel Osco/Borders/Target day. I will become reclusive, begining to avoid all phone contact with my friends. Soon after will be facebook. And before you know it, I won't be on the internet. Then I will get a cat. Just because it's cute and some lady had them outside Target on my special day, and I thought "hey, why not?" Before we know it though, I will get another one, because if one is cute, then two will be cute, and then they can be friends while I work. Then I get another cat, because sometimes the two cats get annoyed with each other and need someone else to hang out with. Then I get a fourth cat, because if two of the cats are hanging out, then one always gets left out, and that's not fair. Then a cat get's pregnant. I abandon my writing duties for a little to take care of the cat. Then I have four new cats that I can't bare to give to anyone else. Then another cat gets pregnant. Before we know it, I have abandoned my writing duties completely and become a crazy cat lady.

The lesson of this story is that there is a good chance for me becoming a crazy cat lady, so know what you're getting into now my friends.

In the meantime though, I'm going to go play some neopets so that I can save up to 10,000,000 neopoints, get the highest level bank account that gives you 12.5% interest, and live off of my interest on neopets for the rest of my life. (In neopet land obviously!)

Perhaps I'm a bit obsessive?
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek

Le Z day

Today has been very light and breezy. Tomorrow will not be, because my mother is making me work on my room. And there seemed to be some finality in her voice when she made that statement, so I guess I'm doing it. But at least today, I got to laze around for a while, play some neopets, watch some friends, catch up on fringe spoilers, and watch an episode of iCarly.

My friend also failed on her end of our blog together, so I am trying to figure out if I'm giving her a second punishment in addition to the one she has, or not do so out of the kindness of my heart, and because if she's late on one punishment I can only imagine how late she'll be on two.

Jumping around a bit, but do any of you watch fringe? I'm slightly obsessive by this point. Of course, this is on a scale of nothing to Harry Potter level obsession, so I'm probably much farther in then one can imagine. I keep trying to get people to watch it, but it never works out.

Jumping around some more, I am thinking now if I can try to get out of putting together my room by working on my homework... Alas, we may never know.

See you tomorrow for more BEDA!
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek

PS: Getting the worms in moltara takes so long