AP Exam Panic

By this point, it is a twice a week event for me to just stare at this webpage, and have fear instilled into my bones.

You know how college finals are supposed to be simply horrific, and no one wears anything but pj's or takes showers or anything for the whole week as they stay up cramming like mad men?

I think that when you have the equivalent college load in AP courses it is a lot scarier.


Here is my schedule for my AP finals:

Monday: School, followed by afternoon cramming.

Tuesday: School, followed by afternoon cramming.

Wednesday: Calc BC exam in the morning. Afternoon will likely be spent at other high school in my district (it's the one that has an actual stage) where we will do "dress rehearsal" for our concert later that evening, which will likely end around 9:30, with every single senior girl having had bawled her eyes out.

Thursday: AP Lit exam in the morning. Afternoon spent sleeping off the past two days. Night spent high on caffeine, studying.

Friday: School, but I'll likely be ditching every class to go hang out in the band room and study. (Assuming permissions from teachers, because ditching class can lead to not walking at graduation. However, I'm pretty sure they will take pity on me and let me free.) Perhaps I will spend the afternoon relaxing and napping, before studying, and then getting a full night's sleep.

Saturday: Study. Maybe eat a real meal not consisting of potato chips or fast food or caffeine.

Sunday: Study. Maybe have time to take a shower.

Monday: Music theory exam in the morning. Beginning of the end of ability to focus. Afternoon spent playing video games. Maybe some deep French thinking to prepare for...

Tuesday: Sleep in, then go to breakfast with some friends from AP French. Take AP French exam in the afternoon (why is this my only afternoon exam? Not fair!). Probably take a walk around after the exam as I realize summer is so tantalizingly close. Attend Senior academic award ceremony soon after.

Wednesday: Technically senior exam finals, but as mine are all AP exams, I won't need to show up. I'll probably do some of my last bit of studying in the morning, followed by meeting up with some senior friends once they are done with their finals. I'll probably stay up too late hanging out with people who don't have to get up in the morning.

Thursday: Macroeconomics in the morning. An hour or so for lunch. Microeconomics in the afternoon. Find myself devoid of ability to think anymore, and wondering what my purpose in life is now.

Friday: Senior breakfast banquet, and graduation practice until noon. Lunch with friends.

Saturday: ???

Sunday: Graduate.


Now, I notice that you all are wondering why the hell I look at this schedule twice a week and have to think about it. Particularly considering that it is JANUARY? Well let me tell you something mister or missy. It is the END of January. My flash cards are almost nonexistent. There are only four months before I take six exams that in the past I have only spent a month cramming for because there were only one or two. But this is six.

I'm panicking because it feels like May is tomorrow and not a few months away. I feel like someone could wake me up tomorrow and be like "get on your dress, it's the big day!" And I will simply be done.

I dunno. I just have to think about it, because it's all that my life is centered around right now. My life is really just 7 classes with lunch somewhere in there, followed by afternoons of homework and band stuff.

Compared to all that, getting into college was easy. So that must mean that the actual graduating from high school thing will be horrible. I'm fixating because I'm terrified. What if I fail all those things, what if I come out knowing nothing? What if they don't let me walk because I had the audacity to skip classes on that last Friday?

As much as I would love to be at college right now, I'm not ready to graduate.
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek