Good Company, and Double Chocolate Chip Cookies.

So I am friends with a girl named Pauline.

I have talked about her before. She's a Sophomore, I'm a Senior. We share three classes together. She was born a pregnancy plus a few weeks after I was. Currently, we are both sixteen.

Anyways, I had her over earlier, and it was just... I haven't had proper conversation and relaxation and baking and movie watching since before I moved here, back when my ex-best friend didn't have an "ex" in her title. I haven't just properly hung out with anyone or relaxed with anyone outside of my family within my home in so long that I just need to write this down and commit it to memory.

In general, I have few truly intelligent friends. I have smart friends, but not many straight up intellectual friends who were gifted in elementary school and not just pushed hard by their parents. Pauline is one of those few people that I know, and she is one of maybe two of those that I know who is just a completely wonderful person to be around all the time. Even when she is complaining, she's the type of person that I want to cheer up instead of avoiding.

So we talked about school when we were younger, I kind of blurted out a ton of useless crap about moving all the time. We talked about glee, and books, and music, and the muppets, and 3D movies, and cheerleaders, and the vlogbrothers, and our experiences on youtube. We talked about music theory, and teaching music, and music teachers, and dancing, and ballet, and winter guard... So much.

We baked double chocolate chip cookies, the first thing I've made sweets wise that has not been chocolate chip cookies, brownies, or a cake. We finished making it, then decided that there clearly wasn't enough batter, and made more, this time doing everything sort of our of order because we were adding it to already made dough. And then we baked it, and on the fourth and last tray for the oven, we realized there were a ton of chocolate chips that had ended up on the bottom, and proceeded to add all of them to the last tray, making these sort of monster cookies.

We ate almost a full tray of cookies before we had pulled the next tray out of the oven.

Then we hung out in my room for a bit. No one ever sees my room. And Pauline told me that she liked how my bookshelves were the focal point of the room, and I had never even noticed before. And we talked and talked and talked and went downstairs to eat pizza and talked and talked and talked...

Then my dad was done playing LA Noire, and we watched winnie the pooh (the new one) with my dad. Then he left and we watched glee season 1 bonus features, and just talked some more. There was a lot of talking. I never talk so much without feeling exhausted. I talk to Crosby and I feel exhausted because he makes his jokes all of the time. I talk to Courtney, and I get exhausted because we both have just too much to tell each other, and we simply can't have the conversations we need to have over a phone. I get exhausted talking to Kat because we mostly just end up complaining about school or people. But I didn't get exhausted talking tonight, and I wish that pauline could have stayed longer because I just want to keep talking.

We also calculated that it would take 3 years and either a sex change operation on our end, or a sudden loss of homosexuality in Chris Colfer that would make us old enough and the right gender to date him. Six years for Heather Morris or Darren Criss (though Criss has a girlfriend, and Morris is straight I think...). This is all using the equation that says the youngest you can date is half your age plus seven.

She also told me about how she was in Panama one time, and she saw a llama finger puppet, and immediately bought it. She brought it with her when she went to see the glee concert last summer, along with a letter. She waited outside with her friends after the show (who also had letters for cast members) hoping to get to see them and then they had to leave early for a show the next day, so they didn't get to see them, and that box with the finger puppet is still in her room.

She told me how while waiting out there, she noticed that everyone else was clearly there because they wanted something from these people. They wanted signatures and pictures and things like that, whereas all Pauline and her friends wanted was to give something back to the people who they felt gave them so much.

I'm writing this all down because I need to commit it to memory, because I haven't been so happy and relaxed in so long.

I haven't had anyone to talk to who didn't seem to be expecting something from me in so long.

And after all this it seems like I am completely gushing right now, and I totally am, no lies about it. And you know what, if Pauline liked girls and I didn't need friends more now than relationships, and if I wasn't already good friends with Pauline and I'd just had this time with her (and I say this fully being aware that I plan to link her to this post) I would be crushing on her like no tomorrow. But I'm not, and I just need to put it out there that in this moment, I have a friend and I am happy.
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek

PS: Winter break is never long enough.