s t r e s s

Ok, I've been downright stressed for weeks now. My hair is actually going gray! (Yes, that is correct, at the age of 16, there has been gray hair found on my noggin. It's depressing, now go away.) I'm just... Ugh. I'm not sure I could even begin to describe it.

I've cried in a few classes these past few weeks.
By eighth hour, I have no energy left, but I do my homework anyways, because better then than when I get home.
I've gained weight, and I think it's mostly because I keep telling myself if I let myself have a little junk food I will feel better.
I stared out a window for five minutes during math today. I basically wanted to jump out.
I have a large amount of tension in my back and neck and shoulders.
I sprained, and have since healed, my wrist, because I was writing too much.
With what I'm pretty sure is bronchitis, I still went to a study session with my friend for a history test.
I'm nauseous so much. Although that might be the bronchitis, because it acts up when I cough.

Usually my school day goes
1st) scramble to finish French homework, but then feel completely fine.
2nd) want to throw things at everyone and scream for them to shut up.
3rd) this class either calms me down, or is the begining of me crying.
4th) my teacher has noticed that we're all basically the walking dead.
5th) favorite class, have trouble really enjoying it
6th) squeeze in lunch. Cookie usually helps. Start playing, get bored, frustrated.
7th) just no.
8th) try to relax. Fail. Write homework in planner, and begin frustration again.


I think the worst part is that the ACT is coming. I don't give a damn about it, because I've already gotten a really good score on the practice one, and it's more than enough to get into any school I want, but it's half to all of what we do in English. They keep bringing it up everywhere. I'm ignoring it as well as I can, because I don't care but somehow it makes me more frustrated and angry.

And then of course is the fact, that I am putting in at least 4x the energy I put in last year right now, yet I'm getting the same grades. Some of them are even worse. WHY HOW?

*EXPLICATIVES!!!!*

I felt a bit better today when I put in lego hp and crucio'd and avada kedavra'd some random people. Ate a little ice cream and had a sierra mist. Felt good.

Back to feeling horrible now.

I don't get it. I'm doing it all right. But it's not working.

I'm not depressed, I know what that feels like. This feels different. But just horrible all the same. Like I keep getting kicked while I'm down.

And tomorrow I get to wake up early even though it's a late start so I can write a French essay, go to school, come home to crawl under some homework, then go to lessons where I will be in trouble for not practicing. There is no time, I've had a horrible cough that makes it hard to breathe when I play.

Fuck just lay off WORLD!
~Jess the Nerdfighting BandGeek